note to self

You're feeling sorry for yourself again. Don't. If you feel sorry for yourself then people will feel sorry for you and you hate that, remember? You want people to admire you, not look at you like you're something broken. Stop thinking everyone sees you as a failure. They don't. And if they do, it's because you feel like a failure. But you aren't. You've done everything you've ever set out to achieve and that counts for something. Maybe for a lot. So don't be so dramatic. Stop looking around and comparing yourself to every single one of your friends and wonder how it is that you are the only one who can't get a relationship to stick, or a guy to fall in love with. I know what you're thinking: They're prettier. Thinner. They dress better. Maybe they're smarter or funnier or just luckier. I guess you don't have the best of luck. Don't cry. We've been through this. Lots of women are single at 30, it doesn't mean they wont get married or have kids, eventually. Remember what they told you. He'll come into your life when you least expect it. Or when the time is right. You won't find him, he'll find you. You'll find him when you're open to it. When you're ready. I know you think you're ready but clearly you're not. And stop feeling lonely. Embrace your freedom. One day you'll be a wife and mother and you'll long for your single days. But you don't believe that. You're scared. You're afraid you'll never know what it feels like, to be a mother.  You want to feel like all these other girls, who have men loving them and taking care of them, like that girl who sits next to you in your office whose husband brings her water because he's worried she forgets to drink. You're jealous that no one cares if you forget to drink. Stop. Close your eyes. Imagine he is there. He is walking towards you with a glass of water and a tender smile and you're feeling really lucky. Like you're not alone. Picture him sitting next you at the dinner table with all your friends. Feel him holding your hand and smile because now you're finally like everyone else. Open your eyes. Don't cry.

how technology is changing the way we date

And I thought the time of MIRC was rough. That awful year in 1999 when I'd wait for dial-up internet connection (we all knew the sound it made by heart) and join these chat rooms with weird names like "blue flower" and ask people "asl" because that was the "new" language, the internet language --asl standing for "age, sex, location" in case you forgot.

It was supposed to be cool. I remember I was 13, but always pretended I was 16, because that's how old the girls were in that movie "Clueless" and those girl were super cool.

But in those days --it was the easy stuff. Nothing like 2013. I can't even count the number of methods you have for tracking someone down now... Monitor their whereabouts, through Facebook pictures and trip-advisor reviews. Read what they read from what they share on twitter or their newsfeed. Listen to the same music through Spotify and FB, of course (basically with Facebook you can do everything but appear on their screen and jump them...)  But not just that... You can actually tell the number of hours they waste in the day by tracking their "last seen on" update on whatsapp. Now how creepy is that?

So, to sum it up --not only are you supposed to watch your behavior when you're out on a date or on the occasional phone call, but you also have to watch yourself when you're talking to friends on Whatsapp (what if you don't want him to know you're awake? No seriously?) or when you're liking something because FB will record the exact time you did it (why? who cares if I liked it a 1:46PM?)... And you now have to make sure every picture everyone has ever taken of you looks amazing because you never know what will end up on Facebook... It's just so much to think about! I mean, there was this guy who liked every Instagram picture anyone I knew ever posted, and we all thought "boy this guy has a lot of time on his hands" --so yeah, I'd say people notice and judge you for your social-network behavior too. Funny, no?

What is crazier? The other day I got a Facebook inbox-message from a guy I was newly seeing and imagine my surprise when at the top of that message, there appeared a message I wrote, wait for it... on March 27th 2007, at 8:22pm --basically when I was 22 years old and still living in Manhattan, I apparently had wrote him a message that went unanswered. Did I remember ever writing that? No. Did he remember ever reading it? No! Yet Facebook did a great job reminding us, and sort of helping him get points 6 years later... Do you know how embarrassing it is to re-read something you wrote 6 years ago?

But then there are the good thing about all this technology. Like how easier it makes it for my two friends who are crazy about each other but living in different countries --at least, they have Viber. And Skype. And Facetime. They can send each other videos and audio-notes on Whatsapp. They can somehow manage to share their days with each other, as much as technology permits them to.

In 1949, my grandparents met at a summer hotel in Lebanon. But after the summer, my grandfather returned to Cairo and my grandmother to Beirut. For seven years, they exchanged letters. Sometimes, they would go months without any news from each other. Months. Not minutes or hours like we count them now. They had to wait for the mailman. How amazing is that? If my grandmother was here now, I'd love to ask her how she thinks all this technology would have affected her long-distance relationship with my grandfather.

Of course, whether we like it or not, it's happening. This new way of dating, of connecting with other human beings, there is nothing we can do to change it. Yet I feel lucky I had the chance of knowing a bit of both worlds. I'll have to remind myself to write my children letters one day, so they get to experience it too.

the "nice" girl syndrome

I have been repeatedly accused of being a nice girl.

You would think that it's a good thing, to be considered nice, but of course it's not. It's like the worst thing you can be called. Like when you ask about someone and the answer is "she's nice", you know there's not that much else to say.

Except that I know for a fact that there is more to me than the whole nice girl aura. But as soon as there is too much niceness, people wont see much else anymore. I've studied the freakin' rule book by heart: men love the chase, yes, it's been written countless times and proven and said by so many men and women that I've lost track. God forbid you should ever let your guard down and not challenge a man for ten minutes.

In long term relationships, it translates as the girlfriend who is too convenient, too caring, too available. A man can love you, worship you, want to spend the rest of his life with you and suddenly, because you're having a bad time and you are unable to hold up the whole "I'm a mysterious woman who can leave you at any second" role, he can just let you go because --well, it's just not exciting anymore. I'm guilty as charged, I'll admit it. I have a hard time following the bitch-persona because it's just not who I am. I've tried and failed. And then I think about all these successful relationships around me and wonder, do all these women have an ability which I obviously lack, or do I just date men who require an unreasonable level of "challenge"?

In the dating world,  the nice girl appears as the girl who is too agreeable, too "into him", and again, too available. A man can find you hot, smart, interesting, yet you can turn him off just by sending one too many messages that just make him feel too comfortable about having you right where he wants you. How boring.

Now while a man is having this permanent need to be challenged, the woman is supposed to satiate his needs by being perfect: the perfect amount of presence and the perfect amount of indifference; the perfect amount of sexiness and the perfect amount of working-woman; the perfect amount of nights out with friends versus the perfect amount of nights spent together. We should just all write down the list and stick it on our refrigerators, pencil in the perfect amount depending on the guy we're dating and refreshing it every month as the relationship evolves. You know, just to be sure we're not missing anything.

Maybe I've got this all wrong --I wouldn't be surprised. After all, I have been dumped countless times for the same reason (yes, too nice is a reason for men to break up with you) and so I'm obviously not very good at learning from my mistakes. Unless of course, I switch perspectives. What if I'm a nice girl --with myself?

I grew up in a house where taking care of others was a pre-requisite. And it somehow settled in my DNA. When my mother died I was 16 years old --but my sister was 11, and my brother was 7. I've read somewhere that people who grow up taking care of others develop this thing called "the need to be needed." I catch myself doing it sometimes, with my friends, with my siblings who are adults now and can take care of themselves, and of course, with men in my life. And the constant advice I receive, is that if I was just as "nice" to myself as I am to others, then maybe I can finally beat this thing.

So here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to make a list of things I'd like to do for myself before the year ends, and will document it, here on Beirut Rhapsodies. And we'll see how well that works out.

speak your mind, woman

There's something I've been learning to do this year that's changed the way I am in a relationship, and that is: say what I mean.

It might seem odd for a man to read that. Say what you mean? You mean you lie in a relationship?

No. I don't lie. But us women, we have this tendency to not say what mean. We think we're saying it (with our tone, with our body language, with our eyes, etc.) but men tend to just hear the words coming out of our mouth.

Let's take this for example:

Thursday Night, 8pm.

Guy "You know what, I don't feel like going. Just go without me."

Girl "Oh. Ok. [Pause] Fine." Loud expiration through the nose.

Guy "Are you upset?"

Girl "No. [Yes] Why would I be upset? [Of course I'm upset you idiot. You just ditched me last minute and now I have to go alone and everyone is going to ask me where you are and I would really enjoy it a lot more if you come with me and why the hell can't you make an effort for me, I would go if it was the other way around.]

Guy "Great then. Have fun!"

They hang up the phone. Now here's what happens: Guy thinks Girl is perfectly fine* with him not going [more on that later], orders a burger, watches Lord of the Rings or a Football match, and doesn't think about it twice. Girl, on the other hand, gets dressed and goes out, all the while starting to simmer negative thoughts [I can't believe he just ditched me to stay home and watch Basketball, he never wants to spend time with me, I always have to beg him to come out, why is football more important than me...] She's out, trying to have a good time but ends up complaining about Guy who didn't come, checks her phone every ten minutes expecting an apology message, gets even more furious because she doesn't get one. By the end of the night, she's so angry she calls him throwing a million accusations his way and he doesn't know what hit him. They fight, go to bed angry, and no one really knows why.

Now, here's the truth*: Guy probably (I'm giving some the benefit of the doubt, depending on the situation) knows that Girl is upset for him not accompanying her. he could hear it in her tone, but chooses to ignore it because, hey, she said she was fine. If she was upset she should've just said so. Here's a hint Girls: Just say so. He wont have an excuse for not knowing you're upset if you say you're upset. Guys always say they "can't read out minds." Fine. Tell them what you're thinking then!

Here's how the conversation could have gone:

Guy "You know what, I don't feel like going. Just go without me."

Girl "Oh. Ok. [Pause] Fine." Loud expiration through the nose.

Guy "Are you upset?"

Girl "Yes. Why is staying at home more important than coming out with me?"

Guy "Sorry babe, I just really don't feel like going out tonight. I'm tired and all I want to do is sit back and watch TV. If you finish early, come over and join me on the couch."

Girl "Fine. Though I'm really not happy to be going alone."

Guy "I'll make it up to you. Promise."

Girl smiles even though she doesn't want to. Guy hears it. She goes, has fun, doesn't obsess about why Guy didn't come and maybe ends up joining him later for a little cuddling.

Basically overall a much better situation.

Sometimes we think we're avoiding a fight by not saying what we mean, but the truth is we're just putting it off until we explode and he doesn't get it. Even if you do get into a fight, it will be much easier to resolve on the spot and just move on.

Moral of this story: Women, speak your mind.

to eat or not to eat

I've been trying to write a post since yesterday, talking to friends about different topics and trying to put together something for this week, but nothing came together. So now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what would inspire me, what I feel like talking about, what is something that I'm going through. And unsurprisingly, the thing that comes to mind is food. You see I didn't have breakfast this morning because I decided to start a diet and I didn't know what I could eat. So I skipped the food and went straight to work [after my usual cup of coffee of course] and here I find myself sitting at my desk where I have two different diet books, and my two [adorable] colleagues who are such experts I don't even need the books. But I always do that --I see the book, think I'm gonna lose 10 kg just by looking at its cover... and then it sits on my desk for years.

Anyway... This morning I put on my favorite pair of jeans --we all have that one pair that we can wear any day of the year and it'll save us from feeling horribly fat. And what do you know: it almost didn't close. Needless to say I didn't even dare get on the scale [because sometimes you just can't face these things]  and I avoid the full length mirror too [why torture myself?].

I came to work determined that today will really be a good dieting day. Not like yesterday where I started off great, almost broke it at 5pm when hunger pangs screamed for chocolate, and then actually did break it at dinner when I had the choice between a healthy salad and a steak-sandwich and I made the obvious choice.

It's one of our daily struggles, I think, as women, to resist temptation --and make an effort to go to the gym. Ah, the gym. We force ourselves to hit the cardio machine 3 times a week for 45 minutes to burn that fat and when I'm there and I'm looking at all the women around me working it on their treadmill or elliptical machines like there's no tomorrow, and I know all they're thinking is: please let me burn that fat so I can stop coming here. Of course once you leave the gym you feel absolutely amazing and you wonder why it was so hard for you to come in the first place --but it's just as hard the next time.

Food is one of the greatest pleasures we have. In a lot of books (yes, I read some of them) they mention how much over-eating is linked to an emotional imbalance. Already, women are known to be emotional. And when they're PMSing, nothing (or almost nothing) can stop them from devouring that box of chocolate. And when they're pregnant --well now that has made for some pretty crazy/funny cravings stories. And in everyday life, there are countless moments where she is overcome by emotions and her easy, quick-fix-feel-good solution is to eat something --and feel dreadfully guilty about it three seconds later. Everything is an excuse: You didn't get that promotion so you eat a Snickers or two. That guy you met last night hasn't called all day so you're gonna empty that bag of chips. Your boyfriend tells you you gained weight and should hit the gym so you throw a fit and then stick your head in the fridge to see what food is gonna make you feel a little better. And then it makes you feel worse.

Today I decided to be healthy and eat wisely and not let my PMS do the eating. And drinks lots of water. And green tea. And check on those other anti-oxidant something that supposedly help flush the fat away. But today is Friday. There's the weekend, and I'm invited for lunch tomorrow and then am I really gonna spend Saturday night without drinking any alcohol? Maybe if I start Monday, it would be better.

Beirut RATsodies: Raw Emotion

It's been a while since we've had the perspective of a guy around here. Someone who actually volunteered, without me having to beg him to write a few wise words for this blog. And I'm glad he did this because it's something I have to admit I never thought about. Girls complaining about the lack of men in Beirut is the ultimate topic of conversation we've all overdosed on. Yet here's something to feed your thoughts on --or are we too good to let go and use raw emotion? I like the way you think SmartRat*. 
[The Four Rats take offense when I label someone a Rat when he isn't one of the core. For the purpose of this blog, they're gonna have to oversee this offense and readers, please make note that this is not the work of one of the core Rats. Thank you.]

Beirut RATSodies: Raw Emotion

The other night I was getting drunk with two friends. As usual, they were complaining about the scarcity of men in this town. Trying to stay a little chirpy and up their morale, I tried to convince them that there must be hope. I looked around the bar and pointed at a few guys. After this little exercise failed, I quickly noticed the girl’s range of guys to look at was substantially smaller than the males is saw. They literally scanned the whole place in 1.4 seconds, when it took me a good minute to figure out whether one of those guys had potential. First I thought it must be a girl thing (they know what they want, what they look for etc…) but then I quickly realized that they had actually left out the guys working in the bar, which constituted about 40% of the males present. So here’s one of my biggest concern with the girls in Lebanon: They calculate. A lot. There's no room for raw emotion. To them, a guy working in a bar would NEVER make the cut, so there’s no point in even going there. 

I know were in a more traditional part of the world, and it is important not to bring home a bum who’s life plans are to live under a bridge. But at that moment in the bar, I was looking at a bunch of hardworking guys, that might or might not have quite interesting characters, with no chance in hell of ever dating one of my friends. It struck me as sad. Not in the “oh the world is such a sad place where a working guy cant get an upper class girl.” It was sad in a way that was more like an obstruction to the natural attraction process. 

Here’s what I mean. In western society, the image of the good-looking barman, construction worker, truck driver or what not has quite a different lure to women than it does here. Over there a guy like that can be attractive to women. Over here, he’s just: quote “niakkk!”. Now I know this probably has some socio-economic reasons in this part of the world, and that not all the girls here are like that, that it really depends on the situation etc etc. But bottom line is the chance of the average girl getting with a bartender here is probably 87 times lower than anywhere else. That sucks, especially for the bartenders. 

What this creates, I think, is this: the driving force behind a girl engaging in such a way abroad is raw sexual attraction. I think its very healthy. You find much less of that here. Our girls have been so brainwashed with the image of an ideal guy that will make their family, friends and finally them happy, that expectations are really too high and more importantly they are really anticipated. No chance is given to anything that doesn’t match the standards. Most physical encounters are calculated and little is left to a surrender of the flesh. I'm not saying the girls should all start acting like hoes and jump on whatever’s in front of them. But a little more ease in this domain would be appropriate. And the little ease that’s out there shouldn’t all be directed at the “perfect match” guys. 

By the way, I can vow for that. Many girls perceive me as coming from a wealthy background. And its gotten me much further in this city than it has in any other.

Of course its better if you end up dating a presentable guy from down the block whose family kind of looks like yours so that everyone gets along and your social status is maintained or improved. But this shouldn’t and can’t be the decisive factor if your looking for something real. Because odds are, that prince charming is not going to come to you on a silver platter. I do think he might come to some on a cheaper platter and some girls will be lucky to get the silver ones. But they cant ALL be silver.

I think western cultures are much healthier than we are in that way. Couples have more reasonable relationships based on real attraction there. Here, I feel a lot of girls mainly go for the guy that makes everybody else happy. And god forbid he s a foreigner!

Whats up with that? Lebanese girls never giving a foreign guy a chance? Every time my foreign friends (descent guys that are usually quite successful with girls) come to town they complain about how girls are so unapproachable or after a one night stand the girls act like they’ve never met the guy. I'm sure my friends are fine with that, but something’s messed up here no?

the goal is to bring him home tonight

This is about the other girl. Not the one that I always rat about, who gets tugged around and played with and endures the calamities that come with dating men. This is about the girl that sees a guy from across the room, and with one look she already knows that he's going to be hers. Because the truth is, when a woman confidently sets her mind to something nothing can stop her.

Now don't get me wrong: this can be the same girl. I've seen it. I've been it. You can be the victim at one time and you can hold the reigns at another --it all depends on the situation and the guy and the timing. A couple of nights ago I was having a drink with a friend and she says to me "the goal is to bring him home tonight." I smiled. There I was having a girlie drink with one of my girlfriends and in stead of analyzing what this new crush of hers said or did, she just wanted to go through the motions and establish a plan that would get him into her bed. I loved it.

My other friend (whose nickname sets off alarms so I'm keeping it anonymous) usually meets a guy and plans the wedding ceremony within the same hour. But lately the balance seems to have tipped her way. He's the one talking about "us" for the next three years while she is still trying to remember his last name. She finds herself on a guy's bed and he's the one who doesn't want to go any further... yet.

Or this other girl who met this guy who is really insisting on trying out a long distance relationship.  Or my friend who is having trouble in her relationship because he thinks she is not making enough effort. Or my other friend who is feeling bad because she is using a guy for sex and moral support even though she knows he is in love with her and she doesn't see it going it anywhere. Sounds like I'm confusing my pronouns.

And then there's me. I'm an open book, literarily, just read the blog and you'll know what I'm thinking, what I've been through, when I'm depressed and when I'm happy. But even I can have the bring-him-home-tonight attitude sometimes. Think some guy can make me feel like shit for no reason and then come back and pretend like nothing happened? Not this time. If there's anything I learnt this year, it's to put myself first. Wise-rat told me: "You need to find a guy who will treat you like a princess." And there will be no settling for less.

not in my vocabulary

Men are strange. They are able to make decisions sometimes that us girls don't understand, like cut you out of their lives, just like that. Women think and over-think everything. We need to tell the story a hundred different times to a dozen different friends and get everyone's opinion on it to be able to analyze the situation better. We need to give ourselves a reason, to understand what's going on in order to accept it and move on. It takes a lot of energy and a lot of heartache and in the end, we never really know what they were thinking, how the male brain works, why they act the way they do. Mars and Venus. And when you ask a guy for advice, for him to break it down for you, he usually comes up with the simplest answer --something us women never understand.

What do you mean he just decided to stop talking to me? Why didn't he warn me first? Why didn't he say he's just not interested in seeing me anymore? Why didn't he explain? But everything was going fine, he just did this out of the blue! Apparently out-of-the-blue is common in the male brain. They get a tilt, make a decision, and don't go back on it. Simple and clean cut. I wish I was a man.

But I'm not.

A guy friend of mine told me a story today. He was dating this girl, everything was going well, but one day as they were chilling on the beach, she told him something that immediately switched him off. He got up and left. The girl went after him, called him crying begged him to come back so they could talk about it. He said ok. But when he hung up the phone, he made a quick decision. He put his phone on silent and drove home. The next time they spoke was a year later. To him, there were no reasons to justify his behavior. There was nothing to talk about. He made a decision and that was that.

A few days ago, a friend of mine was chatting (whatsapp style) with this guy she's been seeing. He initiated the conversation and they were talking about random things like what they did during the day. And then she asks him if he wants to meet up for a drink --and he stopped answering. She calls him hours later, to see if everything is ok, and he doesn't answer and he doesn't call back. When I told guys about this, no one seemed surprised. It happens, apparently. They've all done it before. It seems they don't believe any justification is needed when they decide things are over, even when that decision is made out of the blue, in the middle of a conversation.

Another girl I know was dating a guy for four years. She traveled for a month,  only to wake up one day and see pictures of him on Facebook with another girl. She goes crazy (obviously) and tries to confront him but he doesn't answer for days. Then he finally calls her back and tells her that he didn't know how to say it before, but he fell in love with someone else and that's that. She just needs to deal with it, he said. And the more I talk about this with guys, the more I realize there is nothing to talk about. As a girl my immediate reaction is to try to understand this behavior, analyze this pattern, figure out this attitude. But there's nothing more to it than a simple switch that turns on and off. I just wish I was a man. But I'm not.

The Big O or the Big NO?

Here are the facts: 15% of sexually active women have either never experienced an orgasm, or as rarely as two or three times. 25 % say they experience orgasms "rarely" or "very rarely" and 40% say they experience them "sometimes." Only 25% of women always climax.

Compare that to more than 90% of men who climax every single time. Seems kind of unfair, doesn't it?

The idea for the post came over girlie drinks and a conversation about sexual pleasure. My friend said she has experienced an orgasm "only once." This is a woman who's had several sexual partners, a long term relationship, and a lot of sexual pleasure. But, it was only on that one occasion that she realized what an orgasm actually was --and what she'd been missing out on. Before that, she was unsure. Great pleasure during sex can feel like an orgasmic sensation when you don't have anything to compare it to. But once you do, you can tell the difference. The truth is, it's hard for most women, and for some, even harder, to achieve that state of out of this world, mind blowing, infinite sensations of ecstasy that take over your entire body and brain functions in that moment of climax.

And so I poked around. I surveyed 41 girls (who answered anonymously) and 20 guys and put it all together in rhapsody form --I'm not gonna sit there and give you accurate data in percentages about everything I say, I'm just gonna hope that everyone will benefit from this post, on the long run.

Here's the thing, guys: most of you believe that your partner climaxes every time you have sex. And I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but it just isn't so. Now while a lot of girls actually tell their partners when they haven't had an orgasm, most do not. Why? Well, because girls know how much the male ego is correlated with sexual performance, and men seem to believe that they are all sexual predators. That women only fake it with others. That they can tell whether or not she fakes it. Hum. You're gonna have to take a little bruise to that big ego of yours, and accept that it is physically harder for women to have an orgasm. Even if you are god-like in bed.


The reason is simple: it's not a mechanical process for women, as it is for men. Men should already know this by now... we are complicated creatures in almost every aspect  --why should sex be any different? Climaxing is not just physical for women --and I'm not saying we have to be in love (although some do) I'm just saying it's very "mental" for us too... a girl needs to want to have an orgasm before she can get one.

Now when girls try to explain this to their boyfriends, they don't always get positive reactions. While some guys are great about understanding that "it's hard to please women!" as one of my Rats said, many others do not. They are "shocked, upset, deceived." They "freak out, are annoyed and completely turned off," but mostly they "feel sorry for her." They believe the girl is "frigid" and "has a problem." One of my friends tried to tell her partner about it, and he didn't even believe her. That's how big of an ego he had. "Every girl I've ever been with always climaxed," he said. Yeah, right. Believing she had no orgasm, that's inconceivable. But believing she has two or three orgasm every time you have intercourse, now that's believable!

Another guy was so upset, the next few times they had sex, he was constantly asking if she was faking every sound she made. He was a complete drama queen about it. Made her feel terrible for ever mentioning it, and she ended up faking it again. The truth is, most "sounds" aren't fake at all. They are moans of pleasure that are very real. But they are just not the big O. Unfortunately.

So what's the faking all about? Well, most of the time, it's to get it over and done with. When a girl knows she's not going to cum, especially during penetration, she fakes it. Girls fake it because they don't want their partners to "feel bad," they fake it because they are "bored" or "tired," they fake it "to boost his ego." One girl said "because I was bored and wanted it to be over... so I thought if I faked it and then he came, we could all just go home..."Sounds like something I've done, to be honest.

But some girls maintain they have never faked it, and they let their partners know when they couldn't climax. And some guys get more excited and want to do everything they can to make her cum. And others are frustrated (and selfish) and decide that there is something wrong with her. It seems to me, from the conversations I've had over this topic in the last few weeks, that talking about this openly makes for much better sex. When guys drop the ego act and just understand the difficulties of the female orgasm, when they put in a little extra effort to understand how this particular girl feels pleasure, it comes highly appreciated. For one, most women cannot ever cum by penetration, so unless you've got preliminaries covered, you can be pretty sure she's isn't having an orgasm. Again, it's not because you're not good --it's because intercourse alone is not very good at stimulating the woman's clitoris. Annnd it's not by rubbing her clit for two minutes that she's gonna cum either. It takes 15 to 40 minutes on average, so... put in the time.

It's not about how long you can last. It's not about how big your penis is. Although if you last under thirty second and/or your penis is the size of a bean, then yes, it most definitely does matter. If a guy just lets a girl take him through it without making her feel like she's killing his ego, and if the girl just communicates her needs to her partner without being afraid of his reaction, I'm pretty sure those percentages would change dramatically. And guys, you would feel pretty good about it too. One guy appropriately said "When a woman orgasms, it's the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that I had something to do with making her feel that good."

And here's another good thought to end on, courtesy of a guy I've never met but who sounds pretty darn great: "Orgasms bring out the woman in every girl, sometimes the girl in every woman. They say a lot about the character and how a girl truly is, or is not. I would say I like them a lot, they're the biggest turn-on... when they're real."

:)
 
PS: I just want to thank everyone who participated in the survey, especially those I don't know... I really appreciate the help!

Beirut RATShodies: The ball is always in your court

The Rats complained that I'm too biased when I write my posts... "Women are always the victims, men are always the bad guy, blablabla..." Well, although I disagree about the posts, I admit the bias --obviously, I am a woman at the end of the day. But I'm fair game. So today, I'm introducing Beirut RATShodies... it's the counterblog, or rather, the added value of the male perspective... Every month from now on, one of the Rats or someone close enough will honor us with their unique opinions, in their own words. I thank "the mouse" for braving the first post.


The ball is always in your court, so don’t complain…

“The Mouse” – a name bestowed upon me by the rats. I don’t mind the name, as I don’t fit the criteria to be a rat, which is fair enough as I wouldn’t last a year alive based on the criteria to be a “rat”. The drinking til’ you blast a fire hose at a club, falling asleep on the road, going into a bar on New Year’s eve for literally 2 minutes just to take your clothes off and then leave… definitely not this mouse’s material.

Now, I’ve been reading this blog since its inception and too many times I’ve disagreed with what’s been written, especially about how women are the victims of some conspiracy that all men out there are horrible beings looking to hurt you. Someone has got to reply.

I’m going to dive right into the middle of this whole “we are the women and we suffer” thing you’ve got going (it seems to work somehow for you ladies…), because I’ve got a woman of my own and I’ve got to admit, very rarely has she showed me the side of women that we men hate (the complaining, the stubbornness, lack of attention flip-out…etc).

Quite the opposite actually, she’s shown me that some women out there can accept a man the way he is with all his random joys and stupid flaws. I’ve seen to what distance a man could go for a woman who’s just easy-going, cool and simple. I’ve seen that happen to me, then I’ve seen the same happen to, not one, but two of the rats…

Yes, the very same rats that have been called all sorts of names in this blog; the very same rats, that you (the ladies out there reading this) keep thinking to yourselves are dare devils and evil specimens that go get drunk to mess around with ladies. No ladies, these rats and all men, are what YOU want them to be.

You must be wondering what I mean by that. I’ll put it in the famous words of a character called Red from the sitcom ‘That 70s Show’: “A man can only raise his standard to the point a woman allows him to”. Meaning, dear rhapsodians, that the ball is always in your court. Anything other than that and it’s considered assault (yet somehow you manage to complain about men).

Still don’t get it? You want a bad boy, you will get a bad boy! Even if he’s the most relaxed dude in the world, because a man can smell what attracts a woman from a million miles away and will know how to play his game to give her what she’s looking for.

The rich guy, the confident guy, the sporty guy, the musician, the drug addict, the business man, the “eben 3ayle”…etc. These are roles (key word: roles) that are so easy for any guy to portray to a woman; because men can easily guess what type of guy a woman is looking for (you aren’t that mysterious you know). Men know what you like, so they adapt to turn into what you like. You make us the way we are. You are the choice makers.


I’m sure you’re thinking to yourselves right now “that’s not true, we just want a guy to be natural and himself…”. This brings me back to my initial point, only if you want him to be himself, will you really see his true colors. Hence why for example you have the 2 cases of the rats and my case as the mouse where the women that lured us showed us from the start that they wanted us to be ourselves and they understood that roles could be played and that they could be fooled. But the girls played the game as well. They gave the tiny signals, they asked the little questions and they let us do the rest (I salute those ladies by the way).

So you see ladies, the point I’m trying to make is the ball is always in your court to begin with therefore don’t victimize yourself over something you chose – don’t hate the player, play the game.

The Mouse has spoken…       

what's her name again?

My sister and I got my brother a funny gift for Christmas: two pillow covers, one of which says "what's her name again?" and the other "I hope he calls tomorrow." Haha.
The thing is that this "I hope he calls tomorrow" BS is really starting to get on my nerves. There is something so demeaning about us girls always waiting around to see if the guy is going to call --so basically, for him to make the call on whether or not you will see each other again. Yes, I know, there's a game, and men like the chase, and women have to seem evasive or busy or feign indifference to trigger his hunter nature and boost those hormone levels, but why is it that they have the power to decide whether or not to pursue --and all we get is the sitting around part, waiting for the red light on our phones to flash? (not that I've ever done that)
My friend Rebelious was on a date a couple of nights ago, and ended up spending half the night making out with this guy. He drops her home and says "I will call you." He takes charge, initiative, puts the ball in his court. And so she leaves him happily excited to have spent a fun night with a guy she likes. By the next day, she goes from joyful glee to waiting around for the phone to ring. And when the phone doesn't ring, let me tell you, it changes her mood. If you think you've seen a woman at her worst on PMS, then check her out when it's 9pm the day after and she's had no sign of life. Not a pretty picture.
But every rule-book out there says women must let the men do the pursuing. God forbid she should suggest to go out again, or worse, actually call before he does. Forget that she's a good looking girl, smart, funny, creative... she called. The ultimate turn off.
And what's even more unfair, is the whole rejection process. Reject a guy and he will get more excited, turned on, more interested, more hooked, in-pursuit mode. But let a girl get rejected and it's humiliation. We don't get to be the great deciders of "let's go out again and see how it goes" or "let's make out again because it was fun the first time." No, we only get to play on the guy's move. He calls, we answer. He asks you out, you decide if you'll say yes or no. But it's his move every time.
And it's a pain in the ass. It is true that women love to get chased after, just like men love to pursue. But I don't like to feel like I can't follow my instincts, break the rules or play outside the sandbox in fear of looking desperate.
I don't have a wise solution on how to actually do that without running the risk of getting the humiliating rejection. But for what it's worth, I think a guy who runs the other way just because you make a move wasn't going to stick around anyway.

Game on

I've been reading this book (The Game) for the last three days and I have to say it's the ultimate disappointment. After the last blog some of the guys told me "Noooo, don't do this, you can't reveal the game, it's our bible, blablabla." So I thought I was really going to find some super amazing magical trick that men have discovered to pick up women. But the truth is, it's actually a little pathetic.

Did you know that there are men in this world who spend so much time trying to figure out how to pick up women that they devise strategies, scientifically precise techniques, with memorized openers and rules on how to get the "target." We (women) are the target by the way.

Ok, I'll admit, it's a very funny book. But I wonder if Neil Strauss ever thought of what would happen if women started reading it --because honestly it lowers the game's standards to a whole new level of low. These men have an entire underground society, with Gurus and Mentors that compete with one another's techniques... They have a whole language full of jargon like Neg (break a woman's confidence by using a line like "you kinda have man hands") Sarge (going out to meet women) and Condiment Anchoring (you don't even want to know). These guys take workshops to work on their craft, exchange tips online on some secret forum with a password, and attend seminars. Talk about working it. 

But since we're talking, I'll share the first technique. Men, listen carefully: Smile when you walk into a room. Spot the group with your target, and approach them instantly. Instantly means you have 3 seconds to walk over and say some very funny, interesting, and obviously memorized opener to the entire group. Ignore the target. Then neg the target with some stupid neg you've memorized. Make sure you keep the attention of the entire group by doing a magic trick, or tell a super funny joke. Isolate the target by telling her you want to show her something cool, and do something that will fascinate her  like an ESP test (because that is the way to a women's heart --or pants). Look for IOIs (indicator of interest) like if she asks your name, or if you squeeze her hand and she squeezes it back... Stop talking and see if she re-initiates the conversation. If she does, ask her if she wants to kiss you. If the answer is yes or maybe, dive in. If the answer is no, say "I didn't say you could. It just looked like you had something on your mind."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the Mystery technique. I got bored just writing it down. But just for kicks, I'm gonna teach this technique to the Rats and send them out to try it.  I am actually really curious to see how this could work on anyone. It sounds awfully complicated --magic tricks, ESP demonstrations, memorized openers and jokes to make an entire group of strangers laugh... Just seems like a lot of work just to pick up a girl. And then they say women are complicated! That is officially the most complicated flirting approach I have ever heard of --and it's not even actual flirting, it's a list of to-dos that needs a cheat-sheet to keep you on track. 

I talked about this over dinner with Tenor and Wiserat, and they were dumbfounded. Now obviously, good looking guys like them who have a natural talent in flirting with random girls would never think about using some complicated technique that takes all the fun of it. But for guys who are shy, geeky, ugly and/or socially awkward, The Game is apparently the way to go. But because I trust my Rats (I've seen their work, and it's good...) I'll share Wiserat's obviously wise opinion: "All men need to know about women, are three things: They want you to make them laugh, to make them feel protected, and (pretend to) understand their feelings."

Game on.

11

I couldn't sleep last night. I spent the last three days telling everyone and their mother that I was going to post 11 resolutions for the new year, that I would have to follow no matter what. The point was to post them all on the blog so I would have witnesses and would feel the pressure to go through with them. I guess I felt so pressured I couldn't sleep all night.
First of all, I couldn't come up with 11 resolutions. I asked my friends to help, and obviously all they could come up with were sexual challenges that included sleeping with a girl, getting spanked, trying the effects of naughty lingerie and some other stuff I prefer not to mention. I guess this post would be a lot more fun for everyone if I agreed to 11 sexual resolutions, but I have to admit I passed on all of them. Not the kind I was looking for.
I was actually hoping for something a little more life challenging, resolutions that would help me put my life on the right track. But who else but me is going to care if I quit smoking, buy a bike or vow to go on a Habitat for Humanity mission?
So there will be no sharing resolutions today. In stead I thought I'd share some of my great wisdom... and I racked my brain for an hour and couldn't come up with anything. So I did what I always do when I lack of inspiration and it's Monday afternoon --I went to the bookstore. I spent a few minutes browsing in the self-help section, of which I already own 90% of all books with titles like "the power of now" and "create a better life," because the simple act of buying the book makes me feel like I've already changed something. Anyway... I spotted a book called The Game, otherwise known as the "single guy's bible." I had already seen that book before, because my ex-boyfriend who never read a book in his life had a copy. He said he started it a couple of days before he met me and that it worked like a charm. Apparently it's a full proof seduction plan to get any woman... Well, I thought, if this book has 11 chapters or more, I'll blog about it. And what do you know? 11 steps, exactly. And the first one is called: "select a target." Wow. I can feel like we are going to have a field day out of this one. So here's the new plan: I'll keep my 11 new year's resolutions to myself, and in stead, I will share with you the 11 steps of this apparently magical book in the upcoming posts. Boys, you might learn something useful. Girls, we're going to learn that boys think of us as targets (step 1), how they plan to extract to a seduction location (step 7) and how they manage expectations (step 11). And maybe, just for fun, I'll play the boys game for a little while --just to see what happens.

This is how Neil Strauss (the author of The Game) starts his book: "I could not become anything: neither bad nor good, neither a scoundrel nor an honest man, neither a hero nor an insect. And now I am eking out my days in my corner, taunting myself with the bitter and entirely useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot seriously become anything; that only a fool can become something." (Fyodor Dostoevsky)

Casanovas, Batmans and Assholes

When I wrote about my first love at the beginning of the week, two of my friends wrote some 30 emails back and forth complaining about the fact that I don't write about them. They even came to the conclusion that they should create their own blog, but ended up fighting on who gets to be the main character. One wants to be Casanova, self described as the "great lover from the land of Arabia." The other wants to be Batman, a "successful, generous man, a sexual machine, and a great lover." And now they might both kill me.
The reason I bring it up, is because I was thinking of the kind of men women want. We've already established that in most cases, men love bitches. But I don't think there is an equivalent generality that applies for women. Women are so emotionally unstable (let's face it...) that we can like one type of guy one day and his exact opposite the next. Yesterday a guy told me "what is it about women and assholes?" For a minute I thought "yeah, what is it about women and assholes...?" but then I realized: actually, it's women and every type of man imaginable. You'll always find a girl who digs some type of a guy.
Let's start with Casanova, for example. Some women love his player type, the guy who hits on all the ladies --but makes them feel like they're different from the others, more special. The man can sweet talk his way into any girl's heart and make her think she is so much better than all the other hundreds of girls he's hit on before. And that lasts for about a night, until she wakes up the next morning and realizes she's just another number on the list.
Then there's the Batman kind. Looks good in formal clothes, makes a lot of money, spoils a girl rotten. He makes her feel protected --he is Batman after all. Or so he thinks. But it's all about what seems to be with this guy, not what actually is.
Some women like the jealous, possessive type. they complain about it all the time, but secretly adore the fact that their man is so in love with them that he goes insane if she even talks to another guy. Other women fall for the lost artist... the one who acts like no one really understands him, writes a poem that no one is allowed to read, or spends days locked up in a room to find inspiration... The girl's instinct is to become his muse, inspire the artist so he can never let her go.
There's also the i'm-not-over-my-childhood-trauma one, who hooks the girl when he finally "opens up" because she thinks he's never opened up like that to anyone before and that must mean she's special and now she's the only one in the world who can save him...
Even the nerdy one can get attention, if he has that slightly awkward I've never been with a girl but also the I'm too hot to be a nerd thing going for him. There will always be a girl who will want to unleash the sexy beast hiding in his nerdy shell.
And then there's the asshole. The one who acts all tough --but girls somehow manage to see his "sensitive side." And she feels special because she knows about that sensitive side that no one else can see. And she takes his assholic B.S. because when, once in a blue moon, when he decides to be nice, it feels so special she forgets all about everything else.
Basically, it's about what type of man will make a girl feel like she is special. Like she is different. Like he needs her. Types that take us girls to a different dimension, where we see ourselves as unique, and we can imagine the princess and castle happy ending we were always promised as little girls.
So I don't think the question is "what is about women and assholes?"
I think it's just "what is it about women?"

measured love

I remember my first love.

I was eight, he was nine. We didn't need to talk, communicate, or even pretend like we knew each other to be in love. At that time, you could just pick. Point to a boy in class and decide you were in love with him. And when I was eight, I picked out the boy I would decide to love for the next couple of years. He once sent me a Pepsi Can with a messenger during recess, who told me it was a "gift from someone." I only found out it was from him because his mom told my mom that her son bought me something at school. And I once made him a Valentine's card with paper glue and heart-shaped pasta. It was that cute. But from age 8 to age 11, we never actually spoke to each other. After that it was a little more okay to say hello when passing each other. Then we started having boy/girl parties and it was okay to expect the boy to ask you to dance... and maybe it would be a normal dance where you kind of move from side to side in front of each other, and maybe it would be a slow dance... and maybe the arms would be left at arms length, and maybe we would do the unthinkable and actually slow dance with our arms wrapped around each other. That was how we measured love. 

My first love ended up being my first slow dance, my first kiss, my first boyfriend --and my first heartbreaker. It's okay, I have forgiven him since then.

But after the simple times of no communication and arms-length slow dancing, things started to get a little more complicated. Boys and girls started "going out." The boy would ask the girl, "will you go out with me?" and it was decided that they would be a couple. You could've never spoken to the boy before in your life, but he could still ask you out and if you said yes the minute after you were considered his girlfriend. Maybe not very romantic, but actually very practical: the terms were very clear from start to finish, there was no grey area. Will you go out with me? Yes. I'm breaking up with you. Okay. All black and white, no confusion. Simpler times.

And now... Well, now we're at point where you can kiss someone without knowing their first name, have sex with someone you met twenty minutes ago, kiss and have sex on a regular basis without actually being a couple, or be a couple without actually kissing or having sex.

Kind of makes the "will you go out with me?" seem a lot more romantic. 

Some couples are married, live in the same house, have children together --but sleep in different rooms, only greet each other out of politeness, and become virtual strangers. There are no more Pepsi cans being delivered, or heart-shaped pasta carefully glued. Slow dancing is replaced by heat dancing, with bodies being rubbed against each other most likely under the influence of Vodka. People spend so much time trying to pick out someone who they are attracted to physically, intellectually, emotionally... and nine out of ten times, they get it wrong. 

The chances were better when we were eight and picked at random. Because my first love turned out to be one of the greatest men I know, one of my closest friends, and quite a catch. 

to know or not to know?

I had a debate with a couple of Rats yesterday which I thought I'd share here. I'll pass on how many times I begged for the conversation to change from "does masturbating before sleeping wake you up or help you sleep" and dive right into the slightly more interesting part.
The issue was whether or not we would rather know if our ex is seen with someone else, has someone else in their life, etc... It's actually an interesting question because I've seen many different schools of thought on the topic. Now my friend the Masochist immediately said he wants to know everything, all the grim little details, and he wants to hurt as much as he is supposed to. Why? Because he believes you can't get over someone unless you hit rock bottom. He would rather get rid of every possible bad feeling, so that there are no more surprises later on. I thought he had a point --if you like to make yourself suffer, which obviously, as his name indicates, he does.
Some think that finding out your ex is with someone else will make them realize whether or not they want them back. I had a friend who broke up with his girlfriend, was moving on and living his life just fine, until one day he found out that she's dating some dude. He went crazy. He literarily couldn't stop thinking about her anymore, decided he was ready to do anything to get her back, felt like he was willing to sacrifice all the things he never even thought of before. And it lasted about a month, until she was willing to give it another go and he suddenly didn't want to anymore --again. What happened? He didn't realize that the whole can't-sleep-can't-eat process he went through was just an ego-bruise. And this tends to happen when you're the one who leaves your partner, believing they love you more than anything, and turn around to see them moving on with someone else. It's not your heart that hurts at that moment --it's that arrogant ego of ours that just cannot believe she could move on from the Extraordinary Moi. But in the heat of the moment, it's confusing, it makes us act irrational, and usually makes us do something we end up regretting --like hurting the other person again and again.
Now I'm from the school of thought that says "what you don't know can't hurt you." It may seem weak and cowardly, but honestly, I don't want to be hurt --so I don't want to know. Caporal said he agreed with me, but we usually end up knowing sooner or later, so we might as well take the hit. I disagree. I would rather know later, when I'm a lot more emotionally stable to handle it. Some of us think we can avoid getting hurt by never dealing with it. Others believe taking the blow and feeling the pain will make it go once and for all. I guess it all depends on who we are.

being your own, great self

After my last post, a lot of people asked me if I was going to stop writing the blog. It wasn't my intention to have you think that I don't want to write anymore until I "live something to write about." I was just trying to make a point that we're young, we don't know it all, and it's important to try new things, make mistakes, get up and try again.
Now that being said, I need to live up to my own expectations. Challenge myself to get up and try again, even if I'm scared. There is no hard and fast rule that will guarantee the path to happiness. And when it comes to relationships, as much as we may want to try to figure out the rules of the game, at the end of the day, it's a different game every time. You just have to play and learn as you go. But I think it's important to play your cards right, and not gamble your heart away. My friend told me something pretty wise a couple of days ago: "Two people can't be happy together if they're not happy with themselves first." Being with someone isn't about complying with their lives, their friends, their hobbies, their lifestyles. Every one of us needs to find their own path, and hold on to things that make us who we are. They say "opposites attract." I guess it's because two people who are completely different can find balance in how they complete each other.
Women tend to bend over backwards for the man they're with. They forget their own lives and dreams and hobbies, put them on hold like they don't matter, and start living a life that is not their own. And they do it even though it doesn't make them happy, because they think they want to make a relationship work no matter what.
In my last relationship, I lost myself. I forgot who I was and where I was going, I couldn't remember my goals, I didn't know what made me happy anymore. It's hard to admit, but it's only once I came out of it that I was able to realize how much of myself I lost. And I swore I would never let it happen again. If we lose ourselves along the way, then we're just living an illusion.
It's important to take a step back and realize how much we can be on our own. Not everything has to be an "us." A man cannot be the focus of our lives. We must be the focus of our own lives, and that's the only way it can truly work.
A friend of mine had a very hard relationship to get over. She tried to make it work, but in the end, she realized that what she needed would completely change the other person --and doesn't that defy the point? If you want the person you're with to change, or if you change for the person you're with, then you're only postponing the inevitable. The truth is, it's okay to disagree. It's okay to enjoy different things, and it's okay to do those things on your own. It's actually better, more interesting, and more realistic. Being a couple doesn't mean you have to become one and the same person. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, first learn to be yourself...  because only then can you be yourself with someone else.

lover boy

I've been quite harsh on the boys lately. So I'm letting out my softer side. I'll admit, they are not all boobs and asses, not all the time anyway... And all of them, at one time or another, have been lover boys. That's the term I'm using to describe men when they let out the romantic in them. Actually that's the term they use, and I'm just borrowing it.
The Rats, however crude I've made them out to be, all have a lover boy side. They are often in total denial about it, but it's there. Winter is around the corner, and they all wish they had someone to curl up next to and watch DVDs on a rainy Sunday afternoon. And others are more forthcoming. They're not just lover boys, they're in love, and they like to show it. Have you noticed how some men become when they're in love? It doesn't matter anymore if their friends are all single and hopping around, they feel like the lucky ones. Because the feeling of being in love beats the one night stand every time. And when they're in love, they will do things for you, crazy things, big things, like flying 30,000 miles and showing up at your doorstep, in Paris, just because they missed you.
I watched a movie yesterday called "The Next Three Days." Russell Crowe will do anything to get his wife out of jail, including kill, risk life in prison, risk his life... OK, it's a movie, it doesn't happen in real life, blablabla. But in theory, we all would like to have a guy who would be willing --who feels strongly enough about us that he would at least consider doing these things for us. And why not? I see women everyday who go to great lengths for their men. They sacrifice careers and childhood dreams, move countries, change names, live in poverty. And in theory, these women would give their lives for the man they love. So it's only fair that we find someone who is willing to do the same. Who loves us, not just enough, but undeniably more than anything else.
I've seen it happen, so it exists. My parents were like that. My dad moved heaven and earth when my mother got sick, and when she died, he never let go. Ten years later, he still wears his wedding ring, and hers on a chain around his neck.
There's a lover boy in every man. And when you find the right one for you, the lover boy awakes.

What women want

Thanksgiving is not a Lebanese holiday by any means, but it's a good reason to get together and eat some delicious food. And it's a good excuse to remember the things we are thankful for. So on the last Thursday of November, there we were, Rats and Mice gathered. And needless to tell you, all the rats were thankful for two things: boobs in general, and their own cocks. I use the word crudely because that is the way it was used.
I was practically the only one with a cheesy i-am-thankful-for-my-friends line.
I spend all this time writing blogs about the dynamics between men and women in the 21st century, I have hours-long conversations with both girls and rats to figure out the secrets to a good relationship, I read some 14 books with titles like "make any man want you" or "men come from mars" or "sex is key" and all the while, I keep missing the point: if men seem like simple beings, with simple thoughts, and simple needs, it's because they are. And on any given day, the first thing that comes to their minds are boobs --and their own pair of jewels.
If the world was created by a man, it would be filled with women with massive racks and no brains to counteract. If the world was created by a woman, which I suspect it was, then boobs would be the distraction tool females use to manipulate their men --which I suspect they do. Maybe this was the answer I was looking for all along. After all, I did say last week that we need to be in sync with a man's head, heart, and balls. I guess I didn't immediately realize that the one tool that can make that happen was right in front of me all along.
But then again, no. As a woman I can't possibly accept that a decollete is my only instrument. And the fact is, it shouldn't always be about women trying to figure out what men want. What about what women want? What about the fact that even though men love bitches, and men love boobs, and men think with their balls, we women have needs that go unanswered. I wonder if men sit around and try to figure out what pleases a woman (a part from comparing the size of their penis). Men think flowers and jewelry (whether in diamond form or family jewels) are the answer to everything. They buy you a gift and suddenly everything should be forgotten and forgiven. Don't get me wrong, I love a good gift, but it doesn't mean anything to me.
So men, please, dig a little deeper. And try to show a woman you love her for more than just her boobs.

screw the odds

The Lebanese dating scene has become quiet the bordello since I've been single around here. Two-years and a half in a relationship, and before that, two years and a half in New York, and before that, two years in another relationship, so basically, I haven't really seen what's out there in my own two eyes in over seven years. Enough time for a new generation (those who used to be 12 and are now 19) to flood the bars of Gemmayzeh with their perfect bodies, fashion victim wardrobes and out-of-a-commercial looking hair. But the real shocker is how unbelievably easy all these girls have become. There are no more taboos and nothing is too much or too fast. Girls will be in a guy's bed by the night's end. And men know this now. The whole seduction game is mostly out of the window, and guys decide what they're in mood to order: "Tonight, I don't feel like working too hard, I just need to empty my balls" [I guarantee you, I've heard this before, but I will not attribute the quote]. So they find an easy looking twenty-year-old who giggles at everything they say, and they know they're all set. Sometimes though, they order the more complicated, and ultimately more satisfying fuck. A girl who seems easy but at the end of the night walks out with a cheeky look on her face, making him wait another couple of nights. All the while bringing the Lebanese guy's ego through the roof. My friend Lord-of-the-Rings said the other day "There are no women we can't have... Just women who take longer to get."
Wow. And here I thought we women had the power to mystify men and make them run in circles around us.
I wonder what happened to make women so available, and take everything out of the seduction ritual --which is actually the best part of any relationship. Maybe it's the fact that there are five women to one man in Lebanon, and go figure how many of them are normal, aren't taken, or gay. At some point, all single girls and all single guys have all slept with one another by some kind of transitivity equation. And then comes the Xmas season, and a new shipment of fresh flesh and blood is delivered --and you better hurry, because you've only got about two weeks to go through the merchandise. The pool of choice is getting so small, that my friend Drunk Rat who comes to visit from Dubai every couple of weeks, found himself watching two girls making-out on a Sunday at 10pm. Again, odds are in the men's favor --they obviously love it.
But screw the odds. The amount of girls remaining that are good-for-keeps can be counted on my ten fingers, and the odds to that are probably one to a million.