The last couple of blogs have made me
realize that my favorite Rhapsodian needs a helping hand…She has given up on
love and I cannot bear seeing this happening! So I’ve decided to share my
2-cents with her, and with all the girls out there who mumble, not too loud (so
that it doesn’t come true!), but once too often, those absolutely atrocious and
silly words: “’I’m gonna die alone”.
By no means am I claiming to be wise enough
to become a love doctor, nor am I a Vietnam veteran to claim years of
experience, but I did have enough bad experiences with a wide spectrum of rats
to be able to tell from a distance if one is a plague- carrier or a pure-breed
worth taming. Here is a sample of bad experiences that I’m sure are as cliché
as it gets but enriching nonetheless:
So there was the first love, that endless
relationship I wonder how it ever lasted so long. He was my college sweetheart.
He was anything you would want in a guy when you’re 17…but after 5 years, all I
wanted was freedom. The stars must have misunderstood what I meant by
freedom, because what I cashed-in instead was an egocentric brat who
occasionally cheated and frequently lied and who owned the only phone ever
created (I guess it was a prototype) that vanishes and reappears at the
owner’s convenience, meaning he could not always answer my texts and could
never call me back. The phone was designed in such a way that one could
only text back should one need a booty call. Of course I was crazy about him
because when he wasn’t busy touching his Blackberry or other girls, he would
tell me the most wonderful words that I would foolishly believe. One day
he told me it was over by using the infamous “it’s not you it’s me” line, and
he hurt me so much that my tears could have filled the Atlantic, back and forth
8 times… Then there was the guy whom I was never good enough for, and who
destroyed what was left of my ego: “you’ve put on 300g, I’ve noticed them
around your elbow”. Then came the possessive-obsessive-paranoid guy who was
jealous of his own shadow…and a few other mice here and there (yes, not even
qualified to be called rats) but I won’t dwell more on them…
And then the revelation. The decision. Yes
this wonderful resolution we all take after a nauseous succession of
plague-carrying rats: NO MORE BOYS I AM GOING TO FOCUS ON ME.
And so I did. Of course I cried sometimes,
I missed the attention and the drama that came along with the boyfriends. But I
used that time to finally get to know myself. I read more, I spent more time
with the girls, reconnected with old friends, did Yoga, ran a marathon, worked
harder, bought cooking books, started loving those extra 300g around my elbow,
and slowly but surely regained my self confidence. I was finally happy.
And one day, when I expected it the
least, the most amazing charming loving kind funny cultured gentle, did I
mention amazing… man came out from a hidden rathole and straight into my heart,
and I hope to stay forever. Today, when I ask myself what good wind
brought him my way, I realize there were just a few things that I unconsciously
had changed in my behavior that made me more attractive to that better breed of
rats. So here are my 2-cents, or 8:
1) Stop
looking: a girl who is constantly hunting is a turn-off. Genuinely enjoy your
single self, and one day, when you’re in your sweat pants with the almighty
pimple on your left cheek, thinking you’re looking your worst but
actually looking your absolute best natural self, he will find you.
2) Know yourself:
know what makes you happy and what you will never compromise on, and let no one
stop you from getting it: If you need your yoga or your cooking or your time
with the girls, make sure you get it.
3) Know your flaws
and make him love you for them: If you are the type that has 5-minute- a-month
PMS bitchiness (give or take a few minutes) he should be manly enough to accept
it and to love you for it. You’re never going to change, so find a man mature
enough to love you “for better or for worse”.
4) If they want,
they can: so if they don’t…they don’t want. Simple equation. Read it 5 times
and make it your new 1+1=2. If he wants to be with you, the things he would be
willing to do for you would surprise you. So unless you see that type of
behavior, don’t waste your time…
5) Do no settle for
less: and that means settle only for MORE. More attention, more care more
respect. You were dad’s little princess remember? Now you have to be Rat’s
little princess. Let him treat you the way you would treat him, and better, or
nothing.
6) Don’t be a nag:
the weeping willow only goes one way: down. When you think nothing could go
worse in your life, just switch on the news and put things in perspective. Be
grateful for what you have, and someone will be grateful to have you.
7) Forget the games: when
the right guy comes along, you won’t need those “don’t text him back before 109
minutes” rules. If he wants to play, give him an X-box and bid him farewell and
tell your little brother you have a pal to spare.
8) Last but not
least: Believe in yourself. You will NOT die alone. Keep this in mind: if
Sarah Palin found someone to marry her once, so will you…
