what's her name again?

My sister and I got my brother a funny gift for Christmas: two pillow covers, one of which says "what's her name again?" and the other "I hope he calls tomorrow." Haha.
The thing is that this "I hope he calls tomorrow" BS is really starting to get on my nerves. There is something so demeaning about us girls always waiting around to see if the guy is going to call --so basically, for him to make the call on whether or not you will see each other again. Yes, I know, there's a game, and men like the chase, and women have to seem evasive or busy or feign indifference to trigger his hunter nature and boost those hormone levels, but why is it that they have the power to decide whether or not to pursue --and all we get is the sitting around part, waiting for the red light on our phones to flash? (not that I've ever done that)
My friend Rebelious was on a date a couple of nights ago, and ended up spending half the night making out with this guy. He drops her home and says "I will call you." He takes charge, initiative, puts the ball in his court. And so she leaves him happily excited to have spent a fun night with a guy she likes. By the next day, she goes from joyful glee to waiting around for the phone to ring. And when the phone doesn't ring, let me tell you, it changes her mood. If you think you've seen a woman at her worst on PMS, then check her out when it's 9pm the day after and she's had no sign of life. Not a pretty picture.
But every rule-book out there says women must let the men do the pursuing. God forbid she should suggest to go out again, or worse, actually call before he does. Forget that she's a good looking girl, smart, funny, creative... she called. The ultimate turn off.
And what's even more unfair, is the whole rejection process. Reject a guy and he will get more excited, turned on, more interested, more hooked, in-pursuit mode. But let a girl get rejected and it's humiliation. We don't get to be the great deciders of "let's go out again and see how it goes" or "let's make out again because it was fun the first time." No, we only get to play on the guy's move. He calls, we answer. He asks you out, you decide if you'll say yes or no. But it's his move every time.
And it's a pain in the ass. It is true that women love to get chased after, just like men love to pursue. But I don't like to feel like I can't follow my instincts, break the rules or play outside the sandbox in fear of looking desperate.
I don't have a wise solution on how to actually do that without running the risk of getting the humiliating rejection. But for what it's worth, I think a guy who runs the other way just because you make a move wasn't going to stick around anyway.

Game on

I've been reading this book (The Game) for the last three days and I have to say it's the ultimate disappointment. After the last blog some of the guys told me "Noooo, don't do this, you can't reveal the game, it's our bible, blablabla." So I thought I was really going to find some super amazing magical trick that men have discovered to pick up women. But the truth is, it's actually a little pathetic.

Did you know that there are men in this world who spend so much time trying to figure out how to pick up women that they devise strategies, scientifically precise techniques, with memorized openers and rules on how to get the "target." We (women) are the target by the way.

Ok, I'll admit, it's a very funny book. But I wonder if Neil Strauss ever thought of what would happen if women started reading it --because honestly it lowers the game's standards to a whole new level of low. These men have an entire underground society, with Gurus and Mentors that compete with one another's techniques... They have a whole language full of jargon like Neg (break a woman's confidence by using a line like "you kinda have man hands") Sarge (going out to meet women) and Condiment Anchoring (you don't even want to know). These guys take workshops to work on their craft, exchange tips online on some secret forum with a password, and attend seminars. Talk about working it. 

But since we're talking, I'll share the first technique. Men, listen carefully: Smile when you walk into a room. Spot the group with your target, and approach them instantly. Instantly means you have 3 seconds to walk over and say some very funny, interesting, and obviously memorized opener to the entire group. Ignore the target. Then neg the target with some stupid neg you've memorized. Make sure you keep the attention of the entire group by doing a magic trick, or tell a super funny joke. Isolate the target by telling her you want to show her something cool, and do something that will fascinate her  like an ESP test (because that is the way to a women's heart --or pants). Look for IOIs (indicator of interest) like if she asks your name, or if you squeeze her hand and she squeezes it back... Stop talking and see if she re-initiates the conversation. If she does, ask her if she wants to kiss you. If the answer is yes or maybe, dive in. If the answer is no, say "I didn't say you could. It just looked like you had something on your mind."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the Mystery technique. I got bored just writing it down. But just for kicks, I'm gonna teach this technique to the Rats and send them out to try it.  I am actually really curious to see how this could work on anyone. It sounds awfully complicated --magic tricks, ESP demonstrations, memorized openers and jokes to make an entire group of strangers laugh... Just seems like a lot of work just to pick up a girl. And then they say women are complicated! That is officially the most complicated flirting approach I have ever heard of --and it's not even actual flirting, it's a list of to-dos that needs a cheat-sheet to keep you on track. 

I talked about this over dinner with Tenor and Wiserat, and they were dumbfounded. Now obviously, good looking guys like them who have a natural talent in flirting with random girls would never think about using some complicated technique that takes all the fun of it. But for guys who are shy, geeky, ugly and/or socially awkward, The Game is apparently the way to go. But because I trust my Rats (I've seen their work, and it's good...) I'll share Wiserat's obviously wise opinion: "All men need to know about women, are three things: They want you to make them laugh, to make them feel protected, and (pretend to) understand their feelings."

Game on.

being your own, great self

After my last post, a lot of people asked me if I was going to stop writing the blog. It wasn't my intention to have you think that I don't want to write anymore until I "live something to write about." I was just trying to make a point that we're young, we don't know it all, and it's important to try new things, make mistakes, get up and try again.
Now that being said, I need to live up to my own expectations. Challenge myself to get up and try again, even if I'm scared. There is no hard and fast rule that will guarantee the path to happiness. And when it comes to relationships, as much as we may want to try to figure out the rules of the game, at the end of the day, it's a different game every time. You just have to play and learn as you go. But I think it's important to play your cards right, and not gamble your heart away. My friend told me something pretty wise a couple of days ago: "Two people can't be happy together if they're not happy with themselves first." Being with someone isn't about complying with their lives, their friends, their hobbies, their lifestyles. Every one of us needs to find their own path, and hold on to things that make us who we are. They say "opposites attract." I guess it's because two people who are completely different can find balance in how they complete each other.
Women tend to bend over backwards for the man they're with. They forget their own lives and dreams and hobbies, put them on hold like they don't matter, and start living a life that is not their own. And they do it even though it doesn't make them happy, because they think they want to make a relationship work no matter what.
In my last relationship, I lost myself. I forgot who I was and where I was going, I couldn't remember my goals, I didn't know what made me happy anymore. It's hard to admit, but it's only once I came out of it that I was able to realize how much of myself I lost. And I swore I would never let it happen again. If we lose ourselves along the way, then we're just living an illusion.
It's important to take a step back and realize how much we can be on our own. Not everything has to be an "us." A man cannot be the focus of our lives. We must be the focus of our own lives, and that's the only way it can truly work.
A friend of mine had a very hard relationship to get over. She tried to make it work, but in the end, she realized that what she needed would completely change the other person --and doesn't that defy the point? If you want the person you're with to change, or if you change for the person you're with, then you're only postponing the inevitable. The truth is, it's okay to disagree. It's okay to enjoy different things, and it's okay to do those things on your own. It's actually better, more interesting, and more realistic. Being a couple doesn't mean you have to become one and the same person. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, first learn to be yourself...  because only then can you be yourself with someone else.