letting go

"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go" (Author Unknown)

It's the last week of the year and it's a good time for change. This weekend, a lot of my friends had a down moment, inevitably linked to the emotions of the holidays, and there was a bit of loneliness to deal with. One waited for a Merry Xmas message that never came --even though she had no idea she was expecting it until she was actually expecting it. The other ran back to her ex after eight months of separation even though she truly knows she never wants to be with him again --Xmas made her doubt. A third found out her ex got engaged and even though it's been years since she's even seen him, she couldn't help but cry her eyes out all day. And I'll admit I cried more than a couple of times for a lot less reason than her over the last two days, including once for crashing my car (slightly) and at least three times because of my friend the Masochist.
And now it's over. It's Monday morning, and the resolutions are falling into place as we put the year, and the decade, in perspective. And before comes 2011, I think we better let go.
I don't know about the boys, but us girls, when it comes to stirring up the past and dragging it on forever, we're absolute professionals. We look back and reminisce and keep reliving moments that are gone, feeding a memory that has no more place in our lives and has nothing to do with the present. And we forget to live in the moment.
But we should have more confidence than that. Just because we lost something or someone, doesn't mean we are doomed to a life of loneliness. And just because we don't have a man in our lives, doesn't mean our lives are incomplete. Sometimes I feel like we live in a society where everything we talk about and all we live for is men, women, relationships, flings, one night stands, breakups, divorces, engagements, and the whole nine yards. I'm not one to talk, I write a blog about it, and I'm always surprised at how many topics I still haven't tackled. But it's too much. Everything all day long is about this one and only obsession. Ninety percent of conversations at all times have something to do with men and women dynamics. A friend told me a couple of weeks ago "women aren't my priority." And I thought, my God, how refreshing. I had never heard that before.
I guess loneliness is what we make it out to be. We can choose to feel like we are lonely --or look around and realize that we are lucky to be so fully surrounded. And most importantly, we should learn how to be one hundred percent good with ourselves first and foremost. That's my number one resolution.

to know or not to know?

I had a debate with a couple of Rats yesterday which I thought I'd share here. I'll pass on how many times I begged for the conversation to change from "does masturbating before sleeping wake you up or help you sleep" and dive right into the slightly more interesting part.
The issue was whether or not we would rather know if our ex is seen with someone else, has someone else in their life, etc... It's actually an interesting question because I've seen many different schools of thought on the topic. Now my friend the Masochist immediately said he wants to know everything, all the grim little details, and he wants to hurt as much as he is supposed to. Why? Because he believes you can't get over someone unless you hit rock bottom. He would rather get rid of every possible bad feeling, so that there are no more surprises later on. I thought he had a point --if you like to make yourself suffer, which obviously, as his name indicates, he does.
Some think that finding out your ex is with someone else will make them realize whether or not they want them back. I had a friend who broke up with his girlfriend, was moving on and living his life just fine, until one day he found out that she's dating some dude. He went crazy. He literarily couldn't stop thinking about her anymore, decided he was ready to do anything to get her back, felt like he was willing to sacrifice all the things he never even thought of before. And it lasted about a month, until she was willing to give it another go and he suddenly didn't want to anymore --again. What happened? He didn't realize that the whole can't-sleep-can't-eat process he went through was just an ego-bruise. And this tends to happen when you're the one who leaves your partner, believing they love you more than anything, and turn around to see them moving on with someone else. It's not your heart that hurts at that moment --it's that arrogant ego of ours that just cannot believe she could move on from the Extraordinary Moi. But in the heat of the moment, it's confusing, it makes us act irrational, and usually makes us do something we end up regretting --like hurting the other person again and again.
Now I'm from the school of thought that says "what you don't know can't hurt you." It may seem weak and cowardly, but honestly, I don't want to be hurt --so I don't want to know. Caporal said he agreed with me, but we usually end up knowing sooner or later, so we might as well take the hit. I disagree. I would rather know later, when I'm a lot more emotionally stable to handle it. Some of us think we can avoid getting hurt by never dealing with it. Others believe taking the blow and feeling the pain will make it go once and for all. I guess it all depends on who we are.