Beirut RATsodies: Raw Emotion

It's been a while since we've had the perspective of a guy around here. Someone who actually volunteered, without me having to beg him to write a few wise words for this blog. And I'm glad he did this because it's something I have to admit I never thought about. Girls complaining about the lack of men in Beirut is the ultimate topic of conversation we've all overdosed on. Yet here's something to feed your thoughts on --or are we too good to let go and use raw emotion? I like the way you think SmartRat*. 
[The Four Rats take offense when I label someone a Rat when he isn't one of the core. For the purpose of this blog, they're gonna have to oversee this offense and readers, please make note that this is not the work of one of the core Rats. Thank you.]

Beirut RATSodies: Raw Emotion

The other night I was getting drunk with two friends. As usual, they were complaining about the scarcity of men in this town. Trying to stay a little chirpy and up their morale, I tried to convince them that there must be hope. I looked around the bar and pointed at a few guys. After this little exercise failed, I quickly noticed the girl’s range of guys to look at was substantially smaller than the males is saw. They literally scanned the whole place in 1.4 seconds, when it took me a good minute to figure out whether one of those guys had potential. First I thought it must be a girl thing (they know what they want, what they look for etc…) but then I quickly realized that they had actually left out the guys working in the bar, which constituted about 40% of the males present. So here’s one of my biggest concern with the girls in Lebanon: They calculate. A lot. There's no room for raw emotion. To them, a guy working in a bar would NEVER make the cut, so there’s no point in even going there. 

I know were in a more traditional part of the world, and it is important not to bring home a bum who’s life plans are to live under a bridge. But at that moment in the bar, I was looking at a bunch of hardworking guys, that might or might not have quite interesting characters, with no chance in hell of ever dating one of my friends. It struck me as sad. Not in the “oh the world is such a sad place where a working guy cant get an upper class girl.” It was sad in a way that was more like an obstruction to the natural attraction process. 

Here’s what I mean. In western society, the image of the good-looking barman, construction worker, truck driver or what not has quite a different lure to women than it does here. Over there a guy like that can be attractive to women. Over here, he’s just: quote “niakkk!”. Now I know this probably has some socio-economic reasons in this part of the world, and that not all the girls here are like that, that it really depends on the situation etc etc. But bottom line is the chance of the average girl getting with a bartender here is probably 87 times lower than anywhere else. That sucks, especially for the bartenders. 

What this creates, I think, is this: the driving force behind a girl engaging in such a way abroad is raw sexual attraction. I think its very healthy. You find much less of that here. Our girls have been so brainwashed with the image of an ideal guy that will make their family, friends and finally them happy, that expectations are really too high and more importantly they are really anticipated. No chance is given to anything that doesn’t match the standards. Most physical encounters are calculated and little is left to a surrender of the flesh. I'm not saying the girls should all start acting like hoes and jump on whatever’s in front of them. But a little more ease in this domain would be appropriate. And the little ease that’s out there shouldn’t all be directed at the “perfect match” guys. 

By the way, I can vow for that. Many girls perceive me as coming from a wealthy background. And its gotten me much further in this city than it has in any other.

Of course its better if you end up dating a presentable guy from down the block whose family kind of looks like yours so that everyone gets along and your social status is maintained or improved. But this shouldn’t and can’t be the decisive factor if your looking for something real. Because odds are, that prince charming is not going to come to you on a silver platter. I do think he might come to some on a cheaper platter and some girls will be lucky to get the silver ones. But they cant ALL be silver.

I think western cultures are much healthier than we are in that way. Couples have more reasonable relationships based on real attraction there. Here, I feel a lot of girls mainly go for the guy that makes everybody else happy. And god forbid he s a foreigner!

Whats up with that? Lebanese girls never giving a foreign guy a chance? Every time my foreign friends (descent guys that are usually quite successful with girls) come to town they complain about how girls are so unapproachable or after a one night stand the girls act like they’ve never met the guy. I'm sure my friends are fine with that, but something’s messed up here no?

the rats' block

I miss my Rats.

Now they are all in committed, loving, happy relationships, I have nothing to write about anymore. Never knew how much I relied on them for information, but the truth is, every conversation with them use to spark something, make me want to write, give me inspiration, and now, it's just blah.

I mean don't get me wrong, I'm happy they're happy... But seriously Rats "in a relationship" lose all of their rattitude. Which just goes to show that everything I ever said about them is annulled the minute they fall in love. No more hunting, no more games, no more Cigar Sundays. And for me, no more stories. You might think I get enough of my own stories to write about, but the truth is, lately, I've been working so much I can't remember the last time I met someone --even if it was just for two seconds.

Now I go for drinks with the Rats and their respective significant others and I can't help but feel like the odd one out, always complaining that it impossible to find a decent guy in this forsaken city.  Now they say it's because I've been leaving the house in hoodies and converse and never bother to put an ounce of blush and I guess they have a point... But it's a vicious cycle: You start out by making an effort, you fix your hair and you dress up nicely and you go out with that "open" attitude because that's what everyone says right, it's not about looks they say, it's all in the attitude. "People will know if you're open to them or not. You always look so closed of course no one is going to approach you." What the f*** does that even mean? I kind of get it, but seriously, I don't know how to do it any other way. I'm not the kind of person who is overly sociable, I don't usually make an effort to talk to random people, and honestly, I don't want to pretend like I do. "Be yourself" isn't that at the core of it?

So then I decided to stop making an effort. It'll happen when it happens. I'll just make an effort with myself from now on, and to be honest, it works most days. My life is more fulfilling now then it ever was when I wasn't single.

Yet I would be lying if I said it doesn't get lonely. You can be as independent as you want, it's human nature to want to share your life with someone. Have someone who cares about you specifically, asks about you everyday, has you on their radar. One of my best friends is having a virtual relationship over BBM and it's been going on for the past four months. And there is no real potential because the guy lives in another country and they have no plans to change that and they don't even know what it is that is going between them, and every so often, she wonders if she should stop texting him. But we talked about it, I told her honestly: I think it's always good to have that someone that keeps your phone ringing. Sometimes I look at my phone and I realize that I'm not waiting for anyone to call, and that depresses the hell out of me. And it's a tad lonelier still when your Rats are in their own holes. Yesterday I asked them "don't you have anything to give me for my blog???"

"Write about how much you miss us."

[Beirut RATsodies] The Manception List: Keys to a man's mind

Keeping on with the promise to bring Rat perspective to the blog, today my dear friend is giving us ladies the "keys to a man's mind." The keys to men like him anyway. And the truth is, he's one of those coveted men that grab the attention of all the girls in the room. And with the scarcity of available guys out there, I guess if you find the right one, you should know how to play your cards right.

Dear Rhapsodies followers,

I am a Rat. More specifically, the one whom this blog’s writer gracefully baptized as “Wise Rat”. Don’t really know if there’s any actual wisdom or if our dear host is so desperate that she can find it in a Rat, but whatever it is, I’ll try to pass it on here while trying to be as gentle as I can and not offend any of you non-rats for I am a guest today...

The Rhapsodies have covered a lot of different and diverse topics, some accurate, some useless, some fun, some completely biased, but the one common and constant trait is the appalling lack of knowledge of the man’s mind. Therefore, instead of picking one topic, I will kindly contribute with one the greatest sacrifices I believe to be: The Self Help Book approach. While truly despising the “How to get over him in 3 weeks” family of “literary” works, I’ll be listing some simple Dos and Donts that will give you the key set of the male’s mind. Ladies, I proudly give you: THE MANCEPTION LIST (to be kept in your purses at all times).

DOS:

1.     Humor

Nothing is more appealing than a funny girl. NOT a party girl, but an actual funny girl. That’s the one we would consider spending the rest of our lives with. Laugh about things with him and laugh at him. Great humor is raw intelligence; men who are scared of smart chicks will accept it under the form of humor. My personal perfect ideal fantasy is a Mila Kunis meets Dave Chappelle.

2.     Be Real

That’s universal, come on. No pun intended, but you tend to over think things, which clouds your judgment, behavior or in some cases your entire persona. That’s a time bomb.  Typical scenario: She acts different in the early stages > he gets comfy > she goes back to her true self > he’s disappointed, > he leaves > she’s left asking herself who and what to hate for that. Major DON’T.

3.     Chivalry

Own up to your modern woman status along with the traditional touch. It’s a beautiful balance. I call it modern chivalry for chicas: OFFER to pay (but don’t actually do it), be concerned when he’s ill and get him some bullshit medicine. My personal favorite: A girl who holds the door for me once in a while (I stress on the occasional element). Man up ladies.

4.     Be Anal

 The anus, The Glory Hole, The Sweet Eye, The Great Gatsby, The Velvet Ring.  Use it and let it inspire you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pushing for systematic sodomy, but more of a symbol to keep things in bed adventurous, spiced up and simply open minded to new experiences. “Open” being the key word here...

5.     Get some Boxes

The fact is that men are more of rational creatures and women emotional. With the good and bad included in both, these two traits tend to clash. By that I mean that men actually have the ability to compartmentalize things and women are more global in their approach. Imagine boxes versus a giant messy purse. Men can organize their lives in a number of boxes: work, friends, relationships, family...etc. If one of those goes sour, it won’t affect the rest, whereas women, while being much more sharp emotionally and with higher sensibility will possibly collapse in tears at a red light if the day at work was stressful and a Counting Crows song came up on the radio which will remind them of that prick who didn’t call last week.  Bottom line: Try to get your boxes right.

DONTS

1.     Victimize

We’re all victims of something at some point. Let’s all try not to linger over rejection, disappointment or debilitating egos people.

2.     Change Anyone (you or him)

You are not the one who will tame a player, or get a “badass” to become a family man. This is the recipe for disaster. If he’s lazy, drinks a lot, not very outgoing or not interested in modern art, either accept those as his traits or run away, just don’t hang on to the fantasy of a “better version him”

3.     Be Anal

As opposed to your lovely waxed organ (see the point above under “Be Anal”), try to read your man and not unleash all hell on him when you could save millions of lives in terms of troubles. E.g: while getting ready to go out: Him:“Babe are you done? We need to leave soon”. Her: Cold look. Silent treatment all night. Bring up “That” ex during pillow talk at the end of the night.

4.     Hand Jobs

This is NOT your place. The hand job exercise is a male sanctuary. Angle, shapes, body structures are all a part of this male only puzzle. It’s not a wooden stick, nor a pet, so please don’t be over zealous when attempting it. Plus, it always shows how bored you guys are when you’re at it.  

5.     Settle for less

I’ll finish on a high note and empower you ladies. Most of the ear raping complaints I get from you come from the fact a lot settle for some douche bag or loser, which you don’t really want in the first place. Know what you want, see the red flags, don’t compromise and you can throw this whole list away. Being alone ain’t all that bad and can save us all some time and money on “I need to talk coffees and lunches“ and this entire blog in the process.

Hope this helps,

Wise rat.

Cigar Sunday

Nothing like a Sunday afternoon spent with the Rats on their traditional "Cigar Sunday" to give me material for a post. Especially when guest-rats, who were visiting for Easter Weekend, were added to the pack. I could barely keep up with the stories.

It was kind of the "kick-off" for the Spring/Summer season, which in terms of dating is especially fun. Like Wiserat says, in winter, you just want to have someone you can curl up with and watch a movie under the covers. But when the sun is shinning and every other girl in town is showing off her legs and her cleavage, the Rats want come out to play. My friend the Masochist, who missed his plane a couple of days ago and was stuck overnight in a shitty hotel in Egypt, made friends with another unfortunate passenger, and to pass the time, she started telling him her life story. Including this particularly interesting breakup: her ex-boyfriend tells her one day "You know honey, I really love you... but it's summer now." Kind of says it all, doesn't it?


It is difficult to describe Cigar Sunday into words that would do it justice. At 5pm, it was three cigars, three Rats, and a couple of Almaza bottles at a corner table in Torino Express. By 7pm, three dozen shots of Tequila Gold had passed around, one round of AK47s, glasses of Arak, Jim Beam and vodka were spread on two tables and half the bar, as the party of three turned into a gathering of 15. My friend the Swiss, who is wired to flirt 24/7 no matter what, announced that he was currently dating an eighteen-year-old who is still in high-school. "I have the same conversations with her as with every other girl I dated who were my age," he said, defending her level of maturity. Tells you a lot about the girls he likes to date. He also managed to tell us, in the same sentence, that he "loved" his 18-year-old girlfriend, and that he had scored some girl the night before at three in the morning. Three shots later, there was talk about condoms and the tricks they play in order to get away with not wearing one. Educated men justifying the fact that if a girl asks you to wear a condom, to them that means it's pretty safe to do it without one. There was lusting over a gorgeous girl who walked in with her fiance. And, last but not least, there was a rating of girls in terms of how many drinks they need to have before they can "bang her." Like the Masochist says: "There are no ugly women. Just not enough alcohol."

There is no real morale to this post. Just maybe, I'd say, that although not all men are Rats, there is a Rat in every man.

shifting the blame

So apparently men want women to know that as long as they are chill, easy-going and simple, the world is perfect and the ball is in their court. Which is great advice, truly. But in case the relationship fails, the woman gets dumped, or the man is driven to do the unthinkable, like cheat for example, well then, it must be the woman's fault... Because she wasn't chill enough. Or simple enough. Or cool enough. 


Men are Masters at Shifting the Blame. They all have PHDs in how to turn around every situation and always make it seem like it was the woman's fault, no matter how it starts. And I have proof. Rats and non-rats alike have admitted to me that they have the skills required to turn any fight into a losing battle for the lady. Even if she started it (which I'll admit, we usually do), and even if, and I quote, "even if she is completely right," they will always find a way to make her apologize without even knowing what for. Ever notice when you're so angry at your man and you start explaining yourself, when suddenly he cuts you off and gives you one argument after another, and you end up so confused you can't remember why you're fighting? Shifting the Blame Professionals, I'm telling you.

Just like the mouse wieseled it into his post. If women could just realize that men hate "the complaining, the stubbornness, lack of attention flip-out" and just not do it, then the world of relationships would be perfect. Hmmm. And women should just let men be themselves. And if the man acts like an asshole, cheats, leaves her with three kids and runs off to another side of the planet, she must be to blame... of course... because the ball is her court. "A man can only raise his standard to the point a woman allows him to.” (The wise words from Red in That 70s Show) Men are so good at doing that, it's frightening. At first glance, it seems flattering: means that if they do anything right, it's thanks to you... and if they do anything wrong, it's because of... you? 

Now I agree with a few things the mouse said: a woman who knows how to entice a man will turn any Rat, any player, any man out there into a lover boy, and he will be happy to be. But remember that it is all relative. If you're writing in the context of being super-happy-in-love, you are just not in the same mind-frame as a broken-hearted-singleton or a newly-single-and-enjoying-it, or even a married-divorced-and-blase perspective. 

A lot of the time, the woman is to blame. Yes, we can be annoying, stubborn, complaining girlfriends, and those are flaws men have also, by the way. And if women should let men be themselves, men should let women be themselves as well. And that includes jealous outbreaks, bursting-out in tears for no reason, the notorious PMS, and putting on those couple of winter kilos. 

I'm not trying to say that women are the eternal victims of some evil male scheme. But for once, it would be nice to see a man accept responsibility for his actions, and not shift the blame. Admit that she complained because he really exaggerated. Admit that he left her, not because she wasn't easy-going and simple and cool, but because he got bored. Admit that just because she's wrong, doesn't mean he's right.

Beirut RATShodies: The ball is always in your court

The Rats complained that I'm too biased when I write my posts... "Women are always the victims, men are always the bad guy, blablabla..." Well, although I disagree about the posts, I admit the bias --obviously, I am a woman at the end of the day. But I'm fair game. So today, I'm introducing Beirut RATShodies... it's the counterblog, or rather, the added value of the male perspective... Every month from now on, one of the Rats or someone close enough will honor us with their unique opinions, in their own words. I thank "the mouse" for braving the first post.


The ball is always in your court, so don’t complain…

“The Mouse” – a name bestowed upon me by the rats. I don’t mind the name, as I don’t fit the criteria to be a rat, which is fair enough as I wouldn’t last a year alive based on the criteria to be a “rat”. The drinking til’ you blast a fire hose at a club, falling asleep on the road, going into a bar on New Year’s eve for literally 2 minutes just to take your clothes off and then leave… definitely not this mouse’s material.

Now, I’ve been reading this blog since its inception and too many times I’ve disagreed with what’s been written, especially about how women are the victims of some conspiracy that all men out there are horrible beings looking to hurt you. Someone has got to reply.

I’m going to dive right into the middle of this whole “we are the women and we suffer” thing you’ve got going (it seems to work somehow for you ladies…), because I’ve got a woman of my own and I’ve got to admit, very rarely has she showed me the side of women that we men hate (the complaining, the stubbornness, lack of attention flip-out…etc).

Quite the opposite actually, she’s shown me that some women out there can accept a man the way he is with all his random joys and stupid flaws. I’ve seen to what distance a man could go for a woman who’s just easy-going, cool and simple. I’ve seen that happen to me, then I’ve seen the same happen to, not one, but two of the rats…

Yes, the very same rats that have been called all sorts of names in this blog; the very same rats, that you (the ladies out there reading this) keep thinking to yourselves are dare devils and evil specimens that go get drunk to mess around with ladies. No ladies, these rats and all men, are what YOU want them to be.

You must be wondering what I mean by that. I’ll put it in the famous words of a character called Red from the sitcom ‘That 70s Show’: “A man can only raise his standard to the point a woman allows him to”. Meaning, dear rhapsodians, that the ball is always in your court. Anything other than that and it’s considered assault (yet somehow you manage to complain about men).

Still don’t get it? You want a bad boy, you will get a bad boy! Even if he’s the most relaxed dude in the world, because a man can smell what attracts a woman from a million miles away and will know how to play his game to give her what she’s looking for.

The rich guy, the confident guy, the sporty guy, the musician, the drug addict, the business man, the “eben 3ayle”…etc. These are roles (key word: roles) that are so easy for any guy to portray to a woman; because men can easily guess what type of guy a woman is looking for (you aren’t that mysterious you know). Men know what you like, so they adapt to turn into what you like. You make us the way we are. You are the choice makers.


I’m sure you’re thinking to yourselves right now “that’s not true, we just want a guy to be natural and himself…”. This brings me back to my initial point, only if you want him to be himself, will you really see his true colors. Hence why for example you have the 2 cases of the rats and my case as the mouse where the women that lured us showed us from the start that they wanted us to be ourselves and they understood that roles could be played and that they could be fooled. But the girls played the game as well. They gave the tiny signals, they asked the little questions and they let us do the rest (I salute those ladies by the way).

So you see ladies, the point I’m trying to make is the ball is always in your court to begin with therefore don’t victimize yourself over something you chose – don’t hate the player, play the game.

The Mouse has spoken…