By definition, the open relationship defies all odds. To me, "relationship" means closed. Two people, a couple, man and women, man and man or woman and woman. But here comes the 21st century and everyone is trying to figure how the hell to keep that relationship working, defying the odds, being the ones who make it through and finally grow old together. That's what we all say right, "I want to have a family and a spouse, because who the hell wants to grow old alone."
I agree, I don't want to grow old alone, there's nothing scarier. But what about the now? We can't all design the 30 to 40 years we have on when we turn eighty --if that day even comes. So how about not basing a relationship with the goal of growing old, and live in the present. Because if you take out the future in the equation, a lot of things might change.
Now the open relationship is quiet the fascinating concept. A couple decides to officially accept that the other person can and will sleep with others. They usually have rules like "always use condoms" and "don't ever introduce us." They go about their day, come home at night and kiss each other, always expecting that just a few hours earlier someone else was kissing them. Officially, what this couple is doing is accepting that humans cannot be monogamous, and try to take sex out of the love equation. They try to minimize its power, all the while admitting that sex is so important that they must agree to have it with other people. The open relationship is a way to avoid deceit, a way to avoid feeling cheated and betrayed. But does it really work, forever? What if one person is always hopping around from one sexual partner to another, while the other is just pretending to do the same? Day in and day out, do they really love each other more or better because they're able to have sex to their heart's content?
But like my friend Caporal says, there's the "official" open-relationship, and the "unofficial" one. When I said, in my previous post, that I could theoretically accept my boyfriend having sex with someone else as long as it is a one-night-stand and I nor anyone else ever finds out about it, it could be considered as an "unofficial" open relationship. I'll admit, I have no idea which one is better, more respectful, which one actually works in the long run. Maybe we're all fooling ourselves. Maybe none of this works --they're just tools to prolong the inevitable.
But to me, it's all in what we know. I really believe that Ignorance is bliss.
when people do agree to be in a so-called open-relationship it's when they feel the need of being with someone and achieving their sexual desires/drives, and most importantly, when they both agree not to have feelings towards each other.
ReplyDeleteThe way I see it: 2 people in love can't be in an open relationship because once you love someone, you can't look around, and when you do look around, it only means that your partner doesn't satisfy your needs, so have the guts to leave him and not cheat on him !
I have to say, I agree and disagree with you Anonymous. It's true that some people agree to a "non-exclusive" relationship, and by that fact, agree not to have feelings towards each other. But others actually have a relationship, are in love, and down the line decide that instead of cheating on each other, they "allow" one another to have sex elsewhere. I'm not saying I get it --because really I don't. But I do believe that cheating has happened in love relationships.
ReplyDeleteI believe so too, simply because you can't expect everything from one person.. i may not get it, or want to experience it, but, you can't expect ALL out of one person, it's too much to handle.. which sometimes (and unluckily) leads to cheating.
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