The Big O or the Big NO?

Here are the facts: 15% of sexually active women have either never experienced an orgasm, or as rarely as two or three times. 25 % say they experience orgasms "rarely" or "very rarely" and 40% say they experience them "sometimes." Only 25% of women always climax.

Compare that to more than 90% of men who climax every single time. Seems kind of unfair, doesn't it?

The idea for the post came over girlie drinks and a conversation about sexual pleasure. My friend said she has experienced an orgasm "only once." This is a woman who's had several sexual partners, a long term relationship, and a lot of sexual pleasure. But, it was only on that one occasion that she realized what an orgasm actually was --and what she'd been missing out on. Before that, she was unsure. Great pleasure during sex can feel like an orgasmic sensation when you don't have anything to compare it to. But once you do, you can tell the difference. The truth is, it's hard for most women, and for some, even harder, to achieve that state of out of this world, mind blowing, infinite sensations of ecstasy that take over your entire body and brain functions in that moment of climax.

And so I poked around. I surveyed 41 girls (who answered anonymously) and 20 guys and put it all together in rhapsody form --I'm not gonna sit there and give you accurate data in percentages about everything I say, I'm just gonna hope that everyone will benefit from this post, on the long run.

Here's the thing, guys: most of you believe that your partner climaxes every time you have sex. And I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but it just isn't so. Now while a lot of girls actually tell their partners when they haven't had an orgasm, most do not. Why? Well, because girls know how much the male ego is correlated with sexual performance, and men seem to believe that they are all sexual predators. That women only fake it with others. That they can tell whether or not she fakes it. Hum. You're gonna have to take a little bruise to that big ego of yours, and accept that it is physically harder for women to have an orgasm. Even if you are god-like in bed.


The reason is simple: it's not a mechanical process for women, as it is for men. Men should already know this by now... we are complicated creatures in almost every aspect  --why should sex be any different? Climaxing is not just physical for women --and I'm not saying we have to be in love (although some do) I'm just saying it's very "mental" for us too... a girl needs to want to have an orgasm before she can get one.

Now when girls try to explain this to their boyfriends, they don't always get positive reactions. While some guys are great about understanding that "it's hard to please women!" as one of my Rats said, many others do not. They are "shocked, upset, deceived." They "freak out, are annoyed and completely turned off," but mostly they "feel sorry for her." They believe the girl is "frigid" and "has a problem." One of my friends tried to tell her partner about it, and he didn't even believe her. That's how big of an ego he had. "Every girl I've ever been with always climaxed," he said. Yeah, right. Believing she had no orgasm, that's inconceivable. But believing she has two or three orgasm every time you have intercourse, now that's believable!

Another guy was so upset, the next few times they had sex, he was constantly asking if she was faking every sound she made. He was a complete drama queen about it. Made her feel terrible for ever mentioning it, and she ended up faking it again. The truth is, most "sounds" aren't fake at all. They are moans of pleasure that are very real. But they are just not the big O. Unfortunately.

So what's the faking all about? Well, most of the time, it's to get it over and done with. When a girl knows she's not going to cum, especially during penetration, she fakes it. Girls fake it because they don't want their partners to "feel bad," they fake it because they are "bored" or "tired," they fake it "to boost his ego." One girl said "because I was bored and wanted it to be over... so I thought if I faked it and then he came, we could all just go home..."Sounds like something I've done, to be honest.

But some girls maintain they have never faked it, and they let their partners know when they couldn't climax. And some guys get more excited and want to do everything they can to make her cum. And others are frustrated (and selfish) and decide that there is something wrong with her. It seems to me, from the conversations I've had over this topic in the last few weeks, that talking about this openly makes for much better sex. When guys drop the ego act and just understand the difficulties of the female orgasm, when they put in a little extra effort to understand how this particular girl feels pleasure, it comes highly appreciated. For one, most women cannot ever cum by penetration, so unless you've got preliminaries covered, you can be pretty sure she's isn't having an orgasm. Again, it's not because you're not good --it's because intercourse alone is not very good at stimulating the woman's clitoris. Annnd it's not by rubbing her clit for two minutes that she's gonna cum either. It takes 15 to 40 minutes on average, so... put in the time.

It's not about how long you can last. It's not about how big your penis is. Although if you last under thirty second and/or your penis is the size of a bean, then yes, it most definitely does matter. If a guy just lets a girl take him through it without making her feel like she's killing his ego, and if the girl just communicates her needs to her partner without being afraid of his reaction, I'm pretty sure those percentages would change dramatically. And guys, you would feel pretty good about it too. One guy appropriately said "When a woman orgasms, it's the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that I had something to do with making her feel that good."

And here's another good thought to end on, courtesy of a guy I've never met but who sounds pretty darn great: "Orgasms bring out the woman in every girl, sometimes the girl in every woman. They say a lot about the character and how a girl truly is, or is not. I would say I like them a lot, they're the biggest turn-on... when they're real."

:)
 
PS: I just want to thank everyone who participated in the survey, especially those I don't know... I really appreciate the help!