lover boy

I've been quite harsh on the boys lately. So I'm letting out my softer side. I'll admit, they are not all boobs and asses, not all the time anyway... And all of them, at one time or another, have been lover boys. That's the term I'm using to describe men when they let out the romantic in them. Actually that's the term they use, and I'm just borrowing it.
The Rats, however crude I've made them out to be, all have a lover boy side. They are often in total denial about it, but it's there. Winter is around the corner, and they all wish they had someone to curl up next to and watch DVDs on a rainy Sunday afternoon. And others are more forthcoming. They're not just lover boys, they're in love, and they like to show it. Have you noticed how some men become when they're in love? It doesn't matter anymore if their friends are all single and hopping around, they feel like the lucky ones. Because the feeling of being in love beats the one night stand every time. And when they're in love, they will do things for you, crazy things, big things, like flying 30,000 miles and showing up at your doorstep, in Paris, just because they missed you.
I watched a movie yesterday called "The Next Three Days." Russell Crowe will do anything to get his wife out of jail, including kill, risk life in prison, risk his life... OK, it's a movie, it doesn't happen in real life, blablabla. But in theory, we all would like to have a guy who would be willing --who feels strongly enough about us that he would at least consider doing these things for us. And why not? I see women everyday who go to great lengths for their men. They sacrifice careers and childhood dreams, move countries, change names, live in poverty. And in theory, these women would give their lives for the man they love. So it's only fair that we find someone who is willing to do the same. Who loves us, not just enough, but undeniably more than anything else.
I've seen it happen, so it exists. My parents were like that. My dad moved heaven and earth when my mother got sick, and when she died, he never let go. Ten years later, he still wears his wedding ring, and hers on a chain around his neck.
There's a lover boy in every man. And when you find the right one for you, the lover boy awakes.

What women want

Thanksgiving is not a Lebanese holiday by any means, but it's a good reason to get together and eat some delicious food. And it's a good excuse to remember the things we are thankful for. So on the last Thursday of November, there we were, Rats and Mice gathered. And needless to tell you, all the rats were thankful for two things: boobs in general, and their own cocks. I use the word crudely because that is the way it was used.
I was practically the only one with a cheesy i-am-thankful-for-my-friends line.
I spend all this time writing blogs about the dynamics between men and women in the 21st century, I have hours-long conversations with both girls and rats to figure out the secrets to a good relationship, I read some 14 books with titles like "make any man want you" or "men come from mars" or "sex is key" and all the while, I keep missing the point: if men seem like simple beings, with simple thoughts, and simple needs, it's because they are. And on any given day, the first thing that comes to their minds are boobs --and their own pair of jewels.
If the world was created by a man, it would be filled with women with massive racks and no brains to counteract. If the world was created by a woman, which I suspect it was, then boobs would be the distraction tool females use to manipulate their men --which I suspect they do. Maybe this was the answer I was looking for all along. After all, I did say last week that we need to be in sync with a man's head, heart, and balls. I guess I didn't immediately realize that the one tool that can make that happen was right in front of me all along.
But then again, no. As a woman I can't possibly accept that a decollete is my only instrument. And the fact is, it shouldn't always be about women trying to figure out what men want. What about what women want? What about the fact that even though men love bitches, and men love boobs, and men think with their balls, we women have needs that go unanswered. I wonder if men sit around and try to figure out what pleases a woman (a part from comparing the size of their penis). Men think flowers and jewelry (whether in diamond form or family jewels) are the answer to everything. They buy you a gift and suddenly everything should be forgotten and forgiven. Don't get me wrong, I love a good gift, but it doesn't mean anything to me.
So men, please, dig a little deeper. And try to show a woman you love her for more than just her boobs.

a bazaar of pleasures

We spend so much time analyzing our feelings, decrypting situations and over-thinking everything, that we tend to forget that many of life's pleasures have absolutely nothing to do with having a partner. While it's true that there will rarely be a top three pleasure list that doesn't involve the words "love" or "sex"  , the list has all kinds of other wonderful experiences that are sometimes better than love --and sex.

So when you've got the blues, when you feel like nothing has any taste, color or scent anymore, I suggest you pack-up your bags, grab a friend or two, and fly out somewhere to rediscover the immensity of pleasures the world has to offer.

Over the weekend, I discovered the pleasures of Istanbul. I have to admit that before hopping on that plane last week, I was feeling down, blue, and overly anxious [especially about the part where I had to be on a plane...] but it was nothing 2mg of Lexotanil couldn't fix. After that, it was me piling up the pleasures one by one. Food, for one, is way up on my list of life's best pleasures, and in Istanbul, it did not disappoint! And it was nicely paired up with a lot, a lot, a lot of wine [which I never thought of as a "pleasure" but it turns out drinking alcohol really is]. Laughing with friends in a Turkish "Taksi" where he doesn't understand you and you don't understand him, where they drive even more crazily than in Beirut, and where even getting ripped off $200 ends up being a funny story.

Walking around in the Grand Bazaar, the colors of the Turkish Souk put rainbows in your eyes, and the scent of the Spice Market just make you feel like every sense you have is fully awaken. I felt alive for the first time in months, and the feeling didn't involve anyone but me.

The grand finale was an amazing massage that I wish could've lasted forever --because, I have to say, it felt better than sex. So after six days of pleasure dipping, I can safely say that happiness is there if you just look for it, and you just shouldn't always look for it in another person. Just let yourself rediscover that life is good.

"ma tete, mon coeur, et mes couilles"

Boys and girls alike were in agreement with the theory of my last blog post: know with your head, and with your heart.
But there was an interesting point made by one of my Rat friends, The Tenor, who reminded me that for men, there is one more element to consider: the penis. Actually, to be completely accurate, he said "the dick is always the winner, because if there was no dick, there would be no motivation." Now let's agree that there are exceptions to this rule... but consider the ramifications. While women have to maintain balance between their head and their heart, men have debates between their head, heart, and balls.
Actually, a French Artist known as "Grand Corps Malade" has a song called "ma tete, mon coeur et mes couilles (my head, my heart and my balls)" about this very phenomenon.
So I though I'd take a closer look. It seems to me, that unlike women, men find that it is easiest to control their hearts. Their heads and their balls however, now that's another story.
I for one, am already in over my head trying to rationalize my emotions. But men have compartments for their feelings. They can put things in boxes and label them, only opening them when they choose to. The rest of the time, they use their heads, they rationalize, and they can deal with pretty much anything that way. But when their balls get in the way... then neither their heads nor their hearts make a difference --unless they have tremendous willpower. I guess this is why men say they can cheat on you and still love you: their penis and their hearts don't have to be in agreement.
So I guess in order to be in complete sync with a man, you have to be in sync with his head, his heart, and most importantly, his balls. Piece of cake.

know with your heart, and with your head

When I started this blog, I went from the idea that by talking about things, we might be able to figure out how to make relationships work in the 21st century. If our parents are the divorce generation, what does that make us? More likely, or less likely, to follow in their foot-steps?

On the one hand, there seems to be more precaution. Couples talk through things before they take a big leap. They discuss stuff that could only matter if they end up getting hitched, so that they know if they're compatible on the long-run. With so many of us who watched their parents get ugly divorces, seen fathers cheat on mothers, or mothers abandoning the nest, it's only normal that our defenses awaken. Take my friend Ballerina, for example. She was dating a guy with who she got along great, but they had very different views for what their children's education and life would be like, and that led them to break up. Now life views can be formed by a number of things --education, nationalities, families, personality. My parents for example are from two different religions, but they shared the same principles --so it was never a problem. It just so happens that, for Ballerina, her guy was so particular about his life-principles, that she realized she would be unhappy on the long run. Even though it wasn't a problem while they were dating. So they could've stayed happy, gotten married, and let shit hit the fan... but they didn't. They took precautions.

Then again, I also have two of my closest friends, a boy and a girl, both 26, and each already with a divorce on their resume. They rushed into it, yes, but are they the exception, or the rule?
One big relationship question-mark, which we all would love to take precautions on, is cheating. Men (and many women, too) now try to get as much sex as they can, with as many different partners as they can, in a bid to be "satisfied" or, more accurately, "sheb3anine," before they get married. I wonder if that really works. Is getting a lot of it before committing less likely to make you want to cheat? Or the fact that you've enjoyed it so much make you want to do it more? 
I know a couple who were together since high school. They loved each other madly, everyone could tell they were the perfect match --soulmates if there is such a thing. After six years together, she decided to break-up and let him experience other women, because if he didn't, she was afraid this need would come up at a later stage, after they got married or had kids. And so he went, experienced, came back to her after a year, and they are now happily married.

Last week, a thirty-something woman with three kids under five told me the secret to happy marriage is to have your head and your heart in sync. "When I fell in love for the first time, I was 21," she said. "My head told me he was the perfect guy for me. Our parents loved each other, he was from a good family, and we got along great. But my heart told me it was too soon." The second time she fell in love, her heart told her it was the most amazing, most passionate relationship... but her head told her she could never really be with this guy on the long run. "The third time was the charm. I knew with my heart and my head that he was the one."
You might argue, she's still young... and hasn't reached the ten-year marriage bang just yet. But I hope she's right. For all our sake's.

screw the odds

The Lebanese dating scene has become quiet the bordello since I've been single around here. Two-years and a half in a relationship, and before that, two years and a half in New York, and before that, two years in another relationship, so basically, I haven't really seen what's out there in my own two eyes in over seven years. Enough time for a new generation (those who used to be 12 and are now 19) to flood the bars of Gemmayzeh with their perfect bodies, fashion victim wardrobes and out-of-a-commercial looking hair. But the real shocker is how unbelievably easy all these girls have become. There are no more taboos and nothing is too much or too fast. Girls will be in a guy's bed by the night's end. And men know this now. The whole seduction game is mostly out of the window, and guys decide what they're in mood to order: "Tonight, I don't feel like working too hard, I just need to empty my balls" [I guarantee you, I've heard this before, but I will not attribute the quote]. So they find an easy looking twenty-year-old who giggles at everything they say, and they know they're all set. Sometimes though, they order the more complicated, and ultimately more satisfying fuck. A girl who seems easy but at the end of the night walks out with a cheeky look on her face, making him wait another couple of nights. All the while bringing the Lebanese guy's ego through the roof. My friend Lord-of-the-Rings said the other day "There are no women we can't have... Just women who take longer to get."
Wow. And here I thought we women had the power to mystify men and make them run in circles around us.
I wonder what happened to make women so available, and take everything out of the seduction ritual --which is actually the best part of any relationship. Maybe it's the fact that there are five women to one man in Lebanon, and go figure how many of them are normal, aren't taken, or gay. At some point, all single girls and all single guys have all slept with one another by some kind of transitivity equation. And then comes the Xmas season, and a new shipment of fresh flesh and blood is delivered --and you better hurry, because you've only got about two weeks to go through the merchandise. The pool of choice is getting so small, that my friend Drunk Rat who comes to visit from Dubai every couple of weeks, found himself watching two girls making-out on a Sunday at 10pm. Again, odds are in the men's favor --they obviously love it.
But screw the odds. The amount of girls remaining that are good-for-keeps can be counted on my ten fingers, and the odds to that are probably one to a million.

for love of the game

There is a wonderful feeling that takes over the human mind and releases a flood of excitement, a sense of thrill, and pumps adrenaline.
For some, the thrill is to climb the highest peak in the world. It's the game of choice of one of own national heroes. It's dangerous, it's tiring, it demands years of training, you might see dead bodies along the way... but once you reach that peak, I'm sure there is nothing like it. Which is why climbers consciously leave their families, loved ones, friends, all the while knowing the dangers they face --for love of the thrill.
Others love speed car-racing; wrestling; skiing; sky-diving... the list is as long as the dictionary for extreme-sports. Then come in the less extreme games, which still carry a great surge of thrill. Sports are an amazing way to channel this rush of adrenaline that one becomes addicted to. And more often than not, men are more likely to be the addicts. It's in their "hunter" nature. Remember hunters and gatherers? Yes, exactly. While some women are hunters, and some men are gatherers, most are not.
Those who are not lucky enough to be Michael Schumacher or Maxime Chaaya, many a times live vicariously through them --but obviously miss out on 90% of the thrill. Still, it's why so many of our men are sports addicted fans and nothing will take them away from the game.
But these men need to fill the other 90% of their adrenaline needs. Even those who are Tiger Woods and Wayne Rooney, no matter how much thrill they get out of the game, at some point, it's going to be lower than what they were used to, and they will need to fill the gap. And that gap usually comes in the form of sexual libido. 
For most men and women, the ultimate game is sexual. It's the pursuit of ego boosters, a reinforcement of self-confidence, the need to feel like we are still young, still alive, still capable of creating that powerful and amazing rush of feelings.
Men get turned on by the chase, the hunt. They want to pursue, fail, and try again, and even if they don't succeed, they still get the thrill. For women, we get turned on by the pursuit, the attention, the feeling that we have them just where we want them. It's perfect. It's complementary. It's probably why we were created that way. Hunters and gatherers. Each player enjoys a different part of the game. And like in any game, you can't win them all.