When I started this blog, I went from the idea that by talking about things, we might be able to figure out how to make relationships work in the 21st century. If our parents are the divorce generation, what does that make us? More likely, or less likely, to follow in their foot-steps?
On the one hand, there seems to be more precaution. Couples talk through things before they take a big leap. They discuss stuff that could only matter if they end up getting hitched, so that they know if they're compatible on the long-run. With so many of us who watched their parents get ugly divorces, seen fathers cheat on mothers, or mothers abandoning the nest, it's only normal that our defenses awaken. Take my friend Ballerina, for example. She was dating a guy with who she got along great, but they had very different views for what their children's education and life would be like, and that led them to break up. Now life views can be formed by a number of things --education, nationalities, families, personality. My parents for example are from two different religions, but they shared the same principles --so it was never a problem. It just so happens that, for Ballerina, her guy was so particular about his life-principles, that she realized she would be unhappy on the long run. Even though it wasn't a problem while they were dating. So they could've stayed happy, gotten married, and let shit hit the fan... but they didn't. They took precautions.
Then again, I also have two of my closest friends, a boy and a girl, both 26, and each already with a divorce on their resume. They rushed into it, yes, but are they the exception, or the rule?
One big relationship question-mark, which we all would love to take precautions on, is cheating. Men (and many women, too) now try to get as much sex as they can, with as many different partners as they can, in a bid to be "satisfied" or, more accurately, "sheb3anine," before they get married. I wonder if that really works. Is getting a lot of it before committing less likely to make you want to cheat? Or the fact that you've enjoyed it so much make you want to do it more?
I know a couple who were together since high school. They loved each other madly, everyone could tell they were the perfect match --soulmates if there is such a thing. After six years together, she decided to break-up and let him experience other women, because if he didn't, she was afraid this need would come up at a later stage, after they got married or had kids. And so he went, experienced, came back to her after a year, and they are now happily married.
Last week, a thirty-something woman with three kids under five told me the secret to happy marriage is to have your head and your heart in sync. "When I fell in love for the first time, I was 21," she said. "My head told me he was the perfect guy for me. Our parents loved each other, he was from a good family, and we got along great. But my heart told me it was too soon." The second time she fell in love, her heart told her it was the most amazing, most passionate relationship... but her head told her she could never really be with this guy on the long run. "The third time was the charm. I knew with my heart and my head that he was the one."
You might argue, she's still young... and hasn't reached the ten-year marriage bang just yet. But I hope she's right. For all our sake's.
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