Blue Valentine

So I failed one of my "writer's block" challenges. I said I would give something to someone on Valentine's Day and I didn't.

I'm not big on the whole V-Day thing. Not in a "Oh My God I HATE Valentine's day it's such a HALLMARK holiday it's so stupid... but I wish someone would send me flowers anyway!" kind of way... More in a "Oh, it's Valentine's Day? Hmm cool. Love you!" I think the most romantic gift I ever gave for VDay (and the most effort I put into it) was, ladies and gents, when I was 11 years old. I cut a heart shape out of red cardboard and glued heart-shaped pasta on it. Then I called the boy I was in love with on the phone to tell him "You'll have a gift tomorrow at school" and hung up straight away because I was mortified and embarrassed and red up to my ears. And the next day, I ran to him during recess and just gave it to him. And ran away after, of course. Back then, I'm not sure why I did it. I mean, why put myself through the embarrassment when I knew I wasn't getting anything back? Sometimes, things don't make sense right away. It may seem stupid, but this is a gift that he never forgot. And I am happy to say that 15 years later, on Monday, he invited me for lunch, and he said and I quote: "for that heart-shaped cardboard with pasta on it."

So what happened yesterday, across the globe, with people I know? Well, one of my friends who lives in Munich woke up to a message on her fridge from her three-months boyfriend saying "Je t'aime." It was the first time he ever said it to her. Some friends in Beirut when to a speed-dating event at my favorite bar in the city, Dictateur, and had a great time. My sister had a girls-night-in because her new boyfriend who is a doctor-thank-you-very-much, was on-call... In Montreal, my best-friend went to a Zumba Class because that's what she does on Tuesdays. And Facebook of course was a swarming platform of love, with some really cool links, like people around the world remembering their first loves and my ultimate favorite, the Valentine Cards of Ben Kling.

And what did I do? I met Blue. Blue is a Belgian Shepherd Groenendael. She's a beautiful, black dog and when you hug her, it feels like you're hugging a huge stuffed animal. Except that she is real and she can hug you right back. And the way she loves her master is so genuine and so unselfish, it makes you feel like it's the best kind of love: uncomplicated, forgiving, and unconditional, with no expectations other than its love to be returned.

And I guess the fact that I didn't give anyone anything on Valentine's Day isn't entirely true. I gave a kiss to someone very special. And I got one back.

the audacity of flirting

There's a game and we all know it. Some people claim they hate the game, don't play by the rules and don't respect the code but in the end, there is always some kind of conscious effort made to make sure you get what you want. It's like a chess game, when you think about it. You can have the first move but that doesn't necessarily mean that you will get the last. And along the way, every decision you make will count.


And so it goes with games of the heart. In the traditional sense of the game, men have the first move. But sometimes girls get bold. They see a guy they like and actually approach him. I've asked some guys about this and apparently they like it, as long as it balances out afterwards. I was having this conversation with two people I met last night, and the guy said "The girl can do the first move, and we like it, but after that it has to be our game." He told me the story of how he once got sent a drink over at a bar, from some girl in the back. Gorgeous girl, it turns out. And he liked the move, it came a surprise and it felt bold and confident. He sent over a drink too, then went to speak to her and had a nice chat. At the end of the night, when he asked for her number, she said no. When he saw her again, she gave him her number this time, but when he asked her out, she said no, twice. Somewhere along the way, there was a tipping point, and she went over it. In playing in the boys field and playing hard to get, there is that fine line between mysteriously attractive and annoyingly arrogant.



But I like the idea of a girl making the first move. When I was eleven years old I sent a Valentine's Day gift to a boy I had a crush on and I think that can be seen as pretty audacious. It was a heart shaped red cardboard with heart shaped pasta glued on it and it said "will you be my valentine?". And what did I get in return? Nothing. Not even the acknowledgement that I had sent anything at all. I know I was only eleven but seriously, this is the kind of rejection that sticks with you for a lifetime. I mean, yes, i only remembered this episode as I tried to find some kind of example of me making the first move, but I think the reason why it's the only example is because it must've been traumatizing. So I admire the girl who sends a drink to a guy she finds cute, and I respect the girl who isn't afraid of rejection, because they go for what they want and don't give the guy all the cards. Maybe I'll try it some day, soon, just to see how it feels. 



When I think about it, I guess the way we flirt all depends on the mood, on the time and place, and on what you want from him. You don't flirt the same way with someone you want to sleep with that same night, than with someone you want to live happily ever after with. You don't give off the same vibes and you don't say the same words, and your body language is definitely different. But one thing is for sure: you never know where that first move might lead you. The boy I sent the V-Day card to? He's been my best-friend for the last 15 years. So it's all good.