speak your mind, woman

There's something I've been learning to do this year that's changed the way I am in a relationship, and that is: say what I mean.

It might seem odd for a man to read that. Say what you mean? You mean you lie in a relationship?

No. I don't lie. But us women, we have this tendency to not say what mean. We think we're saying it (with our tone, with our body language, with our eyes, etc.) but men tend to just hear the words coming out of our mouth.

Let's take this for example:

Thursday Night, 8pm.

Guy "You know what, I don't feel like going. Just go without me."

Girl "Oh. Ok. [Pause] Fine." Loud expiration through the nose.

Guy "Are you upset?"

Girl "No. [Yes] Why would I be upset? [Of course I'm upset you idiot. You just ditched me last minute and now I have to go alone and everyone is going to ask me where you are and I would really enjoy it a lot more if you come with me and why the hell can't you make an effort for me, I would go if it was the other way around.]

Guy "Great then. Have fun!"

They hang up the phone. Now here's what happens: Guy thinks Girl is perfectly fine* with him not going [more on that later], orders a burger, watches Lord of the Rings or a Football match, and doesn't think about it twice. Girl, on the other hand, gets dressed and goes out, all the while starting to simmer negative thoughts [I can't believe he just ditched me to stay home and watch Basketball, he never wants to spend time with me, I always have to beg him to come out, why is football more important than me...] She's out, trying to have a good time but ends up complaining about Guy who didn't come, checks her phone every ten minutes expecting an apology message, gets even more furious because she doesn't get one. By the end of the night, she's so angry she calls him throwing a million accusations his way and he doesn't know what hit him. They fight, go to bed angry, and no one really knows why.

Now, here's the truth*: Guy probably (I'm giving some the benefit of the doubt, depending on the situation) knows that Girl is upset for him not accompanying her. he could hear it in her tone, but chooses to ignore it because, hey, she said she was fine. If she was upset she should've just said so. Here's a hint Girls: Just say so. He wont have an excuse for not knowing you're upset if you say you're upset. Guys always say they "can't read out minds." Fine. Tell them what you're thinking then!

Here's how the conversation could have gone:

Guy "You know what, I don't feel like going. Just go without me."

Girl "Oh. Ok. [Pause] Fine." Loud expiration through the nose.

Guy "Are you upset?"

Girl "Yes. Why is staying at home more important than coming out with me?"

Guy "Sorry babe, I just really don't feel like going out tonight. I'm tired and all I want to do is sit back and watch TV. If you finish early, come over and join me on the couch."

Girl "Fine. Though I'm really not happy to be going alone."

Guy "I'll make it up to you. Promise."

Girl smiles even though she doesn't want to. Guy hears it. She goes, has fun, doesn't obsess about why Guy didn't come and maybe ends up joining him later for a little cuddling.

Basically overall a much better situation.

Sometimes we think we're avoiding a fight by not saying what we mean, but the truth is we're just putting it off until we explode and he doesn't get it. Even if you do get into a fight, it will be much easier to resolve on the spot and just move on.

Moral of this story: Women, speak your mind.

yoyos vs frenchies

This is the new Beirut. In the olden days it was all about religious differences and whatnot. Today it's all about language. Forget Arabic, because even though it's our common link we just throw in some words whenever we need to make complete sentences.

On the one hand, you've got the Yoyos. They're the ones who went to IC or ACS, wore baggy trousers with pockets hanging down to their knees and played with that small ball thing that you pass around from one foot to the other. Then you've got the Frenchies. They're the Lycee-Jamhour-LouiseWegman crowd who had a wannabe yoyo phase back in the 90s when it was fashionable to let your boxers appear below your trousers.

Yoyos walk into AUB and LAU like they own the place, while the Frenchies are still trying to figure out what the hell "credits" mean and why the grades are over a 100. They're more Gemmayzeh than Hamra, and they go sit with their laptops at Balima, while their English counterparts prefer Cafe De Prague.

Yoyos are Rap and RnB bitches and ho's type of music, always bearing a too-cool-for-school attitude. Frenchies go to French Night every Wednesday because where else can they ever get to sing Gilbert Montagnier without looking ridiculously lame? Yoyos are loud, Frenchies are uptight. And when around each other, both groups have an odd sense of competition towards one another that makes you wonder if it really only is a language thing.

Of course, you've also got the ones who refuse to be branded as either, and who attempt to bring everyone together. They meet at "neutral" places like Torino and Dany's [and Skybar because everybody knows that's Lebanon's ultimate point of agreement].  They date from the opposite "clan" (because let's face it, meeting new and different people is getting pretty scarce), they mix their friends together, and then English tramps French because Frenchies speak both languages and Yoyos do not. And Arabic is spoken as a second language. Lebanese identity crisis at its best.