I can't decide whether or not I think "all is fair in love and war."
On the one hand, I'm inclined to say that yes, all is fair, that there are no rules, and that it's every man for himself. The very definition of war means no rules, and the very definition of love --well, is undefinable. There is no right way to seduce someone, all lines are permitted, all tactics are allowed. Some try the smooth talkin' cheesy lines, like my friend the Spaniard, and sometimes it works, and sometimes is doesn't --just like every other flirting method. Some do the slow, let's take our time conversations, spend days and weeks talking their way into the other's heart. Others like the catch-me-if-you-can approach... it goes on and on, and all is fair game.
But then it gets complicated. People get hurt and it's hard to keep saying that yes, all is fair, when clearly you feel like everything that is unfair in the world just happened to you. Because all is not fair. Someone always has the upper hand.
On the one hand, I'm inclined to say that yes, all is fair, that there are no rules, and that it's every man for himself. The very definition of war means no rules, and the very definition of love --well, is undefinable. There is no right way to seduce someone, all lines are permitted, all tactics are allowed. Some try the smooth talkin' cheesy lines, like my friend the Spaniard, and sometimes it works, and sometimes is doesn't --just like every other flirting method. Some do the slow, let's take our time conversations, spend days and weeks talking their way into the other's heart. Others like the catch-me-if-you-can approach... it goes on and on, and all is fair game.
But then it gets complicated. People get hurt and it's hard to keep saying that yes, all is fair, when clearly you feel like everything that is unfair in the world just happened to you. Because all is not fair. Someone always has the upper hand.
If Al Qaeda strikes the twin towers on a sunny morning in September, it is not considered fair play. They planned, trained, prepared for months, years maybe. While those on the receiving end were taken by surprise, and the fight could not be equal. When Israelis raid Gaza, no matter how many Palestinians hide behind human shields, it is not fair play because the amount of military equipment they face do not compare to what they have. One side is almost always stronger than the other, and the one whose down struggles to fight back.
And so it is with love. If you are not prepared when the plane comes crashing in, you fall to pieces, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, until you hit rock bottom. For a while, there will be nothing there, just rubble, dust, and the souvenir of what was once stood. There will be grieving, there will be crying, there will be pain. Then, when the time comes, you start talking about rebuilding. The idea becomes more and more possible, plans are made, your sight is cleared up, and it is suddenly acceptable to imagine something new. Where there once was one, two or three will come.
The thing is, we all find ourselves on both sides of the story at some point. Like my friend the Masochist said to me "there is no right way to break up with someone." Maybe there is no right way to win a war either. Maybe that's why they say all is fair. And what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Oh, and just to kill it with the cliches: Karma's a bitch.
No comments:
Post a Comment