Somewhere in our twenties, we get stuck in this seemingly perpetual transitional phase that makes you want to change everything you know.
When we're fresh off high school, we have one goal: to be free. We crave the university experience, moving to a new country, living alone, getting our driver's license, becoming an adult in the eyes of the law. It's a rush of adrenaline combined with the complete confusion of "what the hell am I going to do with my life?" but it doesn't really matter because we're young and free and everything is going to work out.
When we finish our first degree, we are looking forward to a new kind of experience: paid work. We're excited to get into the realm of the job we always dreamed of, and whatever it is, we think the experience is going to be great. For the first time in our lives, we are making our own money, feeling independent, and really experiencing what it's like to work.
Great. Until we wake up one morning, realize we're 24, 25 or 26, and everything comes crashing down. We're still stuck with the job that was supposed to be our first, and lead on to more exciting prospects. For the most part, we are not who we thought we'd be at this stage of our lives. Remember in high school when we talked about our 10 year reunion, and thought we'd all be super successful or married with babies, or something... Well, my ten year reunion is coming up, and to tell you the truth, me and my high-school friends --we're still almost exactly the same. We still hang out with the same people, laugh at the same jokes, and maybe just handle our alcohol a little better.
I woke up at 25 and thought: really? is this who I'm going to be for the rest of my life? Where did my dreams go? You're suddenly hit with the frightening reality of life: we don't all turn out to be millionaires at 25 (who knew???) and we don't all have our dream job, prince charming on one arm and a Luis-Vuitton bag on the other [not that this was my dream]. Actually, my dream was to become a Hollywood actress, and be the first Lebanese girl to walk the red carpet and win, not one, but two Oscars. When I was 14, no one and nothing could take my focus away. I was going to be one of the best actresses that ever lived, and I was going to show everyone that I could do it. Needless to say, I am not spending my Saturday nights at a pool party with Jennifer Aniston.
So now what? I'm 25 and terrified that this is it, that my life will pretty much be this way from now until the day I die. A lot of us quit our jobs; one of my best friends just immigrated to Montreal; others decided to go for their MBA and left for other countries. Here we are, still looking for change, for an experience that will enthrall us, pull us up and down and sideways until we're dizzy with excitement. We're still too young to be stuck in a routine, in a dead-end job, in a boring life.
And it's the same with love. We wake up one morning and think "is this it?" and we're terrified because it's not what we thought it would be. Relationships are hard, and they take work, and they're unfortunately not so exciting everyday. Reality is disappointing, and we don't want to settle for less then our dreams.
And so we make change happen. We quit, we move, we break-up, we take a chance. We'll do anything to make sure we don't end up like our parents, that we live exciting lives, and that we pave the way to great experiences, until we finally let go for a while... and wait for a mid-life crisis.
Thursday, October 28
Monday, October 25
my boys
There's a famous part in When Harry Met Sally at the very beginning, when Meg Ryan and Billy Chrystal spend about ten minutes arguing on whether or not men and women can really be just friends, and Harry says it's impossible because there's always the sexual tension from at least one of the two.
Well, I'm a strong believer in male/female friendships. Although I think it's very hard to develop such a platonic friendship in your twenties or beyond, I do think that when you stroke the friendship early on, and passed the sexual tension mambo jambo in your early teens, then that friendship can last forever.
Proof is, my boys. There are a lot of advantages to having male friends. One of them, obvious, is it's a lot easier to analyze a man with a male perspective helping you there. The other, also obvious, is that boys are more fun on any given day.
For me, each of my boys gives me something I need, altogether providing me with life essentials, with the exception of passionate love and sex [although some might argue friends with benefits can work, but more on that in the next post].
I'll admit they throw in the occasional "will you flash me?" or "can we please just sleep together" but it's all innocent jibberish. I've come to appreciate them even more recently, as one of my two close girlfriends left the country, and the boys are all I have left.
One cooks for me, appears whenever I need him, always has answers to questions like "where can I buy an anything ?" and jumps at every occasion to be adventurous. One takes me for beers, listens to me rant endlessly, and puts me in my place when needed. He takes the time to give me good advice, and is the perfect companion for a lazy Sunday watching 25 episodes of Seinfeld. One is the perfect gentlemen, always making me feel protected and princess like. He compliments me, and is always there for me, even when he has to call overseas and listen to me be girl-like for an hour. He's my rational-go-to-friend. One makes me feel loved, always checking on me when he feels I'm in need, and tries very hard to make me feel better. And another is my own personal clown, a funny personae who will make me laugh no matter what.
I write this post, unlike any other, with absolutely no agenda. I just wanted to say thank you to the men in my life who I know will always be there. And when shit hits the fan, I'm very grateful I have them in my life. Men and women can be friends. And they can be the best.
Well, I'm a strong believer in male/female friendships. Although I think it's very hard to develop such a platonic friendship in your twenties or beyond, I do think that when you stroke the friendship early on, and passed the sexual tension mambo jambo in your early teens, then that friendship can last forever.
Proof is, my boys. There are a lot of advantages to having male friends. One of them, obvious, is it's a lot easier to analyze a man with a male perspective helping you there. The other, also obvious, is that boys are more fun on any given day.
For me, each of my boys gives me something I need, altogether providing me with life essentials, with the exception of passionate love and sex [although some might argue friends with benefits can work, but more on that in the next post].
I'll admit they throw in the occasional "will you flash me?" or "can we please just sleep together" but it's all innocent jibberish. I've come to appreciate them even more recently, as one of my two close girlfriends left the country, and the boys are all I have left.
One cooks for me, appears whenever I need him, always has answers to questions like "where can I buy an anything ?" and jumps at every occasion to be adventurous. One takes me for beers, listens to me rant endlessly, and puts me in my place when needed. He takes the time to give me good advice, and is the perfect companion for a lazy Sunday watching 25 episodes of Seinfeld. One is the perfect gentlemen, always making me feel protected and princess like. He compliments me, and is always there for me, even when he has to call overseas and listen to me be girl-like for an hour. He's my rational-go-to-friend. One makes me feel loved, always checking on me when he feels I'm in need, and tries very hard to make me feel better. And another is my own personal clown, a funny personae who will make me laugh no matter what.
I write this post, unlike any other, with absolutely no agenda. I just wanted to say thank you to the men in my life who I know will always be there. And when shit hits the fan, I'm very grateful I have them in my life. Men and women can be friends. And they can be the best.
Thursday, October 21
to bitch or not to bitch
Men love Bitches. It's a known fact that resulted in countless books, blogs, tv-shows and movies, all giving us prime examples as to why men love bitches, and how women can learn to be bitches.
The truth is, I think it's completely true and makes perfect sense. Men love the chase, they are hunters, and they just want what they can't have (or think they can't have). And I know this because countless men, including some of the Rats whom you all know a little by now, have admitted this to me. When you meet a guy, you never want to be as easy as 123. You want to make him sweat it out, make him think you're not interested. Later, when you're in the relationship, you never want your man to know he has you right where he wants you, or take you for granted. He'll think of you as he does his mother --and THAT you really don't want. So always keep that little mystery, always keep him at an arms length, don't bend forwards and backwards to please him, etc., etc., etc...
Sounds like a pretty straightforward plan. But the truth is, if it doesn't come naturally to you (to be a bit of a bitch) then it's just exhausting. From the second you meet a guy until forever, you have to remember not to let go. Which is, if you can do it, actually a good thing, because that way you always retain your sense of self, independence and a life that doesn't necessarily include him.
One of my friends got hooked on a girl simply because she showed a little interest --and then none. For months he pursued her, no matter how many times she feigned indifference. My friend Camel on the other hand was really into this girl for a few weeks --but then she started calling too much, being too available, and suddenly the chemistry vanished for him. She couldn't understand what went wrong: he seemed so into her. And she continued to pursue him for months, which obviously drove him away even further. I can go on and on about a zillion examples of the sort. And you might thing it's an age thing, but it's not. My uncle, who's almost 60 and is known as the Legend with guys from my generation, told me a story the other day that made me want to pull my hair out: he took this girl out for a drink at Capitol, and on the way up they met with two of her guy friends. While he stopped at a table to say hello to some friends, his girl was off to the bar with the two guys. "I wasn't going to let her lead me on with any games," he told me. "She came in with me, she should stay with me. But since she wanted to play, I dove right in." Indeed he did. He went off and had another woman (a much younger friend) join the others at the bar. And when they were about to go to another club, he took them both. Oh, and as if that isn't enough, he calls her the next day and asked what she was doing. She said "nothing." How did he interpret that? "When she says nothing, that means she's just sitting there, waiting for me to call her. Well, I'm never calling her again." And that's that. A 60-year-old, attractive, fun, social man, and he still gets to play the field. He's is the incarnation of all male instincts put together, and look at how fast he dismissed her. Because she said she was doing "nothing."
And if you think that type of behavior develops only after decades of experience, you're wrong. My 17 year-old brother is not any better. He's a good looking boy and he knows it. Girls are throwing themselves on him left right and center, and he takes advantage of it. But the only time he's interested, is when the girl seems not to be. And although they usually hold the fort for about a minute, as soon as he gets her, has her, and feels like the chase is over, he comes and tells me "I want to leave her. I don't know what happened I was so into her. Now I'm just... not."
So... I don't know whether to tell you to bitch or not to bitch. I don't want to tell you anything actually, I think we all try whatever works for us. But I do think we spend way too much time analyzing what men want, what men need, what keeps a man from cheating, blablabla... But when we get the simple, straightforward answer of just be a bitch, we don't try it. We say just "want to be ourselves" and we're just too caring and it's just our personality, and we like open up and give him our all... well, don't give him your all until he gives you his all, and be yourself... just be your bitchy self.
The truth is, I think it's completely true and makes perfect sense. Men love the chase, they are hunters, and they just want what they can't have (or think they can't have). And I know this because countless men, including some of the Rats whom you all know a little by now, have admitted this to me. When you meet a guy, you never want to be as easy as 123. You want to make him sweat it out, make him think you're not interested. Later, when you're in the relationship, you never want your man to know he has you right where he wants you, or take you for granted. He'll think of you as he does his mother --and THAT you really don't want. So always keep that little mystery, always keep him at an arms length, don't bend forwards and backwards to please him, etc., etc., etc...
Sounds like a pretty straightforward plan. But the truth is, if it doesn't come naturally to you (to be a bit of a bitch) then it's just exhausting. From the second you meet a guy until forever, you have to remember not to let go. Which is, if you can do it, actually a good thing, because that way you always retain your sense of self, independence and a life that doesn't necessarily include him.
One of my friends got hooked on a girl simply because she showed a little interest --and then none. For months he pursued her, no matter how many times she feigned indifference. My friend Camel on the other hand was really into this girl for a few weeks --but then she started calling too much, being too available, and suddenly the chemistry vanished for him. She couldn't understand what went wrong: he seemed so into her. And she continued to pursue him for months, which obviously drove him away even further. I can go on and on about a zillion examples of the sort. And you might thing it's an age thing, but it's not. My uncle, who's almost 60 and is known as the Legend with guys from my generation, told me a story the other day that made me want to pull my hair out: he took this girl out for a drink at Capitol, and on the way up they met with two of her guy friends. While he stopped at a table to say hello to some friends, his girl was off to the bar with the two guys. "I wasn't going to let her lead me on with any games," he told me. "She came in with me, she should stay with me. But since she wanted to play, I dove right in." Indeed he did. He went off and had another woman (a much younger friend) join the others at the bar. And when they were about to go to another club, he took them both. Oh, and as if that isn't enough, he calls her the next day and asked what she was doing. She said "nothing." How did he interpret that? "When she says nothing, that means she's just sitting there, waiting for me to call her. Well, I'm never calling her again." And that's that. A 60-year-old, attractive, fun, social man, and he still gets to play the field. He's is the incarnation of all male instincts put together, and look at how fast he dismissed her. Because she said she was doing "nothing."
And if you think that type of behavior develops only after decades of experience, you're wrong. My 17 year-old brother is not any better. He's a good looking boy and he knows it. Girls are throwing themselves on him left right and center, and he takes advantage of it. But the only time he's interested, is when the girl seems not to be. And although they usually hold the fort for about a minute, as soon as he gets her, has her, and feels like the chase is over, he comes and tells me "I want to leave her. I don't know what happened I was so into her. Now I'm just... not."
So... I don't know whether to tell you to bitch or not to bitch. I don't want to tell you anything actually, I think we all try whatever works for us. But I do think we spend way too much time analyzing what men want, what men need, what keeps a man from cheating, blablabla... But when we get the simple, straightforward answer of just be a bitch, we don't try it. We say just "want to be ourselves" and we're just too caring and it's just our personality, and we like open up and give him our all... well, don't give him your all until he gives you his all, and be yourself... just be your bitchy self.
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