Somewhere in our twenties, we get stuck in this seemingly perpetual transitional phase that makes you want to change everything you know.
When we're fresh off high school, we have one goal: to be free. We crave the university experience, moving to a new country, living alone, getting our driver's license, becoming an adult in the eyes of the law. It's a rush of adrenaline combined with the complete confusion of "what the hell am I going to do with my life?" but it doesn't really matter because we're young and free and everything is going to work out.
When we finish our first degree, we are looking forward to a new kind of experience: paid work. We're excited to get into the realm of the job we always dreamed of, and whatever it is, we think the experience is going to be great. For the first time in our lives, we are making our own money, feeling independent, and really experiencing what it's like to work.
Great. Until we wake up one morning, realize we're 24, 25 or 26, and everything comes crashing down. We're still stuck with the job that was supposed to be our first, and lead on to more exciting prospects. For the most part, we are not who we thought we'd be at this stage of our lives. Remember in high school when we talked about our 10 year reunion, and thought we'd all be super successful or married with babies, or something... Well, my ten year reunion is coming up, and to tell you the truth, me and my high-school friends --we're still almost exactly the same. We still hang out with the same people, laugh at the same jokes, and maybe just handle our alcohol a little better.
I woke up at 25 and thought: really? is this who I'm going to be for the rest of my life? Where did my dreams go? You're suddenly hit with the frightening reality of life: we don't all turn out to be millionaires at 25 (who knew???) and we don't all have our dream job, prince charming on one arm and a Luis-Vuitton bag on the other [not that this was my dream]. Actually, my dream was to become a Hollywood actress, and be the first Lebanese girl to walk the red carpet and win, not one, but two Oscars. When I was 14, no one and nothing could take my focus away. I was going to be one of the best actresses that ever lived, and I was going to show everyone that I could do it. Needless to say, I am not spending my Saturday nights at a pool party with Jennifer Aniston.
So now what? I'm 25 and terrified that this is it, that my life will pretty much be this way from now until the day I die. A lot of us quit our jobs; one of my best friends just immigrated to Montreal; others decided to go for their MBA and left for other countries. Here we are, still looking for change, for an experience that will enthrall us, pull us up and down and sideways until we're dizzy with excitement. We're still too young to be stuck in a routine, in a dead-end job, in a boring life.
And it's the same with love. We wake up one morning and think "is this it?" and we're terrified because it's not what we thought it would be. Relationships are hard, and they take work, and they're unfortunately not so exciting everyday. Reality is disappointing, and we don't want to settle for less then our dreams.
And so we make change happen. We quit, we move, we break-up, we take a chance. We'll do anything to make sure we don't end up like our parents, that we live exciting lives, and that we pave the way to great experiences, until we finally let go for a while... and wait for a mid-life crisis.
Showing posts with label twenties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twenties. Show all posts
Thursday, October 28
Tuesday, September 21
boys gone bad, girls gone mad
Now it's a whole new ball game. Things are complicated even before there is any talk of marriage! Because we are human, most of us fall in love. And that tends to happen somewhere in our mid-twenties, where relationships that last more than a couple of dates usually turn into "something serious." And that "something serious" needs a definition of its own. Take me for example: I'm 25, been a relationship for 2 years, with a guy who's 26. Now here's the thing: we love each other, we know we're the right fit, we can imagine spending the rest of our lives together... but here's the other thing: we're too young. Mid-twenties is now too young. My great-grandmother got married at 16 and had five kids by the time she was my age. Can I ever consider a remotely close scenario?
Twenty-five and thinking of marriage gives me knots in my stomach. My boyfriend says he wishes we met at 29, so he could be spending this time "enjoying" his youth and all the hot women that come his way. Doesn't sound like something you should tell your girlfriend? True, but what's also true, is that... it's true. That's how men think: "I love you, but I'm a man and we have animal instincts, you couldn't possibly understand." The result usually goes something like that: boys gone bad, girls gone mad, breakups inevitable. Or you can do what I do, which is try to figure out the concept of the 21st century relationship.
When my grandparents [yes, back to them] started dating, they were married six months later --while still in the lovey-dovey phase. Then its the honeymoon period; followed by the joy of pregnancy, the excitement of the first born, the efforts focused on changing diapers and getting him to burp; right until it's time for a second bun in the oven. There was no time for boring. No time for routine.
Now relationships sometimes lasts six or seven years before anything alters the routine. And there you find yourself stuck somewhere in limbo. You are with someone, but does that mean that you can talk about "us" like it's a done deal? Should you be considering career choices and geographical ambitions according to his? Or is that going to freak him out? The problem is, there is no guidebook.
And that's not even considering how much effort you have to do to keep your relationship not only working, but fun, passionate, spicy, years and years after the initial lovey-dovey phase. It's just hard to do when you don't get the help of engagements, weddings, honeymoons, pregnancies, babies, and the etc. You're so comfortable in that little "something serious" couple of yours that eyes can wonder, minds can wonder, and let's face it, it's not like it was the first few months.
Twenty-five and thinking of marriage gives me knots in my stomach. My boyfriend says he wishes we met at 29, so he could be spending this time "enjoying" his youth and all the hot women that come his way. Doesn't sound like something you should tell your girlfriend? True, but what's also true, is that... it's true. That's how men think: "I love you, but I'm a man and we have animal instincts, you couldn't possibly understand." The result usually goes something like that: boys gone bad, girls gone mad, breakups inevitable. Or you can do what I do, which is try to figure out the concept of the 21st century relationship.
When my grandparents [yes, back to them] started dating, they were married six months later --while still in the lovey-dovey phase. Then its the honeymoon period; followed by the joy of pregnancy, the excitement of the first born, the efforts focused on changing diapers and getting him to burp; right until it's time for a second bun in the oven. There was no time for boring. No time for routine.
Now relationships sometimes lasts six or seven years before anything alters the routine. And there you find yourself stuck somewhere in limbo. You are with someone, but does that mean that you can talk about "us" like it's a done deal? Should you be considering career choices and geographical ambitions according to his? Or is that going to freak him out? The problem is, there is no guidebook.
And that's not even considering how much effort you have to do to keep your relationship not only working, but fun, passionate, spicy, years and years after the initial lovey-dovey phase. It's just hard to do when you don't get the help of engagements, weddings, honeymoons, pregnancies, babies, and the etc. You're so comfortable in that little "something serious" couple of yours that eyes can wonder, minds can wonder, and let's face it, it's not like it was the first few months.
Remembering how to write, love and be happy
When I was younger I could write pages and pages without ever blinking. Without second-guessing myself, without turning on the auto-critic. I just did the writing. And the point here is to go back to those roots, or at least try to. I'm trying to write a novel. It's been in the works, cooking up its way through in that little head of mine. And this blog is supposed to help me get back in touch with my inner creativity, that little genius writer that once lived inside me and which I haven't heard from in ages.
This is supposed to start me off, let me write down my inspirations, and let them find their way back to me. Beirut Rhapsodies is a novel. It's the story about women in their twenties, struggling to find their balance between the love they want and the love they have. I am a twenties girl in Beirut, and I am struggling. All my four and a half girlfriends are struggling, and so are all of their friends. And I know it's the same on other continents, because I've been there, and I have friends there too.
Relationships in the 21st century are no longer what they used to be, and we need someone to redefine the term. Our parents' generation is the divorce generation. They're those who were twenty in the 70s, who created the whole concept of rebelling against the system, the peace and love era, the feminists, the hippies. Peace and love led to divorce in the masses, because what they didn't realize when they were fighting for all those [wonderful] things, is that they were forever changing the concepts that defined modern society: marriage and family. Because wives no longer have to keep up with their husband's crap just because standing by your man is the right thing to do --which means no one sticks around anymore. And both men and women expect more from each other than they used to. My grandmother didn't expect my grandfather to love her passionately for sixty years. She expected a father figure for her children, financial support, and company. And she hoped for friendship and respect. My grandfather didn't expect my grandma to look like a bombshell all the way through her fifties, but now, when women like Demi Moore looks the way she does in a bikini, the pressure is on. It was easier to keep the marriage contract --let's just call it what it is-- and it was easier to uphold both ends of the deal.
This is supposed to start me off, let me write down my inspirations, and let them find their way back to me. Beirut Rhapsodies is a novel. It's the story about women in their twenties, struggling to find their balance between the love they want and the love they have. I am a twenties girl in Beirut, and I am struggling. All my four and a half girlfriends are struggling, and so are all of their friends. And I know it's the same on other continents, because I've been there, and I have friends there too.
Relationships in the 21st century are no longer what they used to be, and we need someone to redefine the term. Our parents' generation is the divorce generation. They're those who were twenty in the 70s, who created the whole concept of rebelling against the system, the peace and love era, the feminists, the hippies. Peace and love led to divorce in the masses, because what they didn't realize when they were fighting for all those [wonderful] things, is that they were forever changing the concepts that defined modern society: marriage and family. Because wives no longer have to keep up with their husband's crap just because standing by your man is the right thing to do --which means no one sticks around anymore. And both men and women expect more from each other than they used to. My grandmother didn't expect my grandfather to love her passionately for sixty years. She expected a father figure for her children, financial support, and company. And she hoped for friendship and respect. My grandfather didn't expect my grandma to look like a bombshell all the way through her fifties, but now, when women like Demi Moore looks the way she does in a bikini, the pressure is on. It was easier to keep the marriage contract --let's just call it what it is-- and it was easier to uphold both ends of the deal.
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