unexpectedly unexpected

Being back from holidays is a very harsh reality check, especially when you spent the last 8 days in Paradise and you land back in Beirut. No offense Beirut lovers, I love this city most days of the year, but not today. Not when I just came back from blue skies and turquoise seas, deserted islands and elephant rides and white sand as far as the eyes can see.

I haven't been able to write anything since I got back because the mere idea of getting back into my "life" was depressing to me. Ever since I came back last week, I've tried to pretend that I was still away, hiding away from my usual hangouts, getting lectured by dad because he "hasn't seen me one second since I got back" and being passively present at work --physically but not mentally.

Now it's Monday and there are no more excuses. Everyone is back to reality by now and even though it sucks for a few days, I know that by next week, Thailand will be just a memory and life will be in the present again. The streets full of traffic at any hour of the day; The overcrowded bars, even though you'd think everyone got wasted enough the last two weeks of December, turns out they are even more crowded now; in the office where stacks of papers have piled up and you had promised yourself to put everything back in order in 2012; The bedroom where the new housekeeper (God Bless her, she's the sweetest person on earth but she doesn't understand a word I say) has decided to mix all your clothes with your sisters', as if sharing a room and fighting over who borrows what isn't enough; The to-do-list that you have to stop adding to, and start actually getting done. Did I mention all I've done since I got back is post pictures of Thailand on Facebook and play with my new iphone?

But sometimes in the midst of a nauseating routine, you find a glimpse of the good stuff --and what I mean by the good stuff is Sex. Turns out letting your guard down and just doing what you want to do sometimes takes you to better places. Let me explain --my friend Curls meets this guy over Xmas break: she doesn't live here, he doesn't live here, they've got nothing to lose. They find themselves attracted to each other and in that moment she knows all she wants from him is physical. She lets her guard down, doesn't play games, goes for what she wants and what happens? It actually clicks. I mention this because she is the queen of meeting new guys and it not working out. She is almost always looking for something serious, something meaningful, and she's a romantic one --but usually in stead of letting things flow as they should, she is prepared to settle for less. She meets a guy, realizes he fits the checklist, and holds onto him for dear life. Why? Because after years of getting run over by men you develop this phobia (and this is purely my own theory) that you may very well never find what you've always dreamed of and you settle for less. And if there is one thing I hate most in life it has to be just that. I almost fell for this too, not so long ago: met a guy, found him good-looking and charming and sweet and A-Perfect on every item on the list but you know what, at the end of our "date" I was disappointed. There he was: great on paper but no butterflies. Amazingly well-rounded but with nothing "special." No edge. Nothing out of the box. It was a perfectly well wrapped box with a pretty bow on top, and I'm sorry but that's not for me. And it's not for Curls either. Now the second she thought "I've got nothing to lose" suddenly she was herself. She broke down the barriers we put up to be our most attractive self, and put her cards on the table. I know, men like to chase. They don't want all your cards upfront. But it's all in the attitude. I spent all year listening to all kinds of advice from all kinds of people and it got me nowhere, until I met this guy randomly and I decided to have a one night stand --because that is exactly what I wanted-- and it turns out it was a damn good stand to take. It felt liberating to finally act the way I want, with no calculating and no over-thinking, just simply following my own wants and needs. 

So I think I finally may have figured it out. It's not the games and the number of calls and the bitch 101. It's whether you do what you want, or whether you do what you think he wants you to do. Simple as that. And here's the thing about doing what you want: it is so much more fun.

the politics of sex

We all know the cliche --women who sleep around are whores, while men who sleep around are hot playboys. And I'm actually sick to death of hearing about this: everyone knows the difference between a whore and a girl who likes to have sex a lot, and it has nothing to do with the number of men in her little black book. That's just something men and their egos created, because they don't like sharing, they don't like to know how many men were here before them, blablabla...

But whether we like it or not, sex is a game of politics. It's so filled with subtle innuendoes and so many rules it's almost enough to take out all the fun of out it --almost. Here's the bottom line: when girls have a one night stand, or sleep with a guy on the first date, they are perceived as easy. And when a guy thinks a girl is easy, he usually never wants to see her again. The "Bitch 101" bible says when you like a guy, you should keep his hands off you as long as you can, because the more he waits for it, the more he'll appreciate it, and the less he is likely to walk out after the deed is done. Now guys reading this are thinking "no, what, we like girls who sleep with us right away and don't play games..." Yeah, of course they like it when their penis is about to explode in their jeans. But afterwards... not so much.

Now my friend Wiserat says men like both kinds of women: those who sleep with them right away, for when they're "horny and want to bang on the spot." And they like those who make them sweat for it, when they're not too lazy and feel like chasing. Now he calls this men's "sexual attention span" --you can make the guy wait and chase, but not too long, otherwise he's just going to get pissed and tell you to go f*^# yourself.

My friend Curls went on a date with this guy, and decided, in advance, that she wouldn't sleep with him that night. Girls do that a lot, decide in advance --it helps us keep control, or decide not to shave so we have to keep control. Anyway, on date two, she thought to herself: if I have a good time and the guy is a keeper, I'm not going to his place. If he turns out to be a loser, I'm going to have sex with him. Weird thought? Actually for girls, it's starting to all make sense: if you like the guy, you wait. If you don't care whether he calls tomorrow, you go for it.

The politics of it can make your head spin. But at the end of the day, sex is supposed to be fun. Pleasuring. Spontaneous. And, believe it or not guys, sometimes all a girl wants is a good time, in the moment, without the headache of political innuendoes.  But why do guys always assume they're using the girl, not the other way around?