when did we get to that age?

Summer used to be about the beach. It used to be about the sun and the sea and the fact that we didn't have anything to do for three months except sun-tan and have a good time. It used to be about a week in Faqra in August, a trip by boat every once in a while, beach parties at night. But somewhere along the way, summers have come and gone merging into the other seasons, ending before we realize they've begun. I have to consciously stop and look at my calendar, and tell myself that it's July 14 and I haven't been to the beach yet. Not once.

But then again, there is one thing that also reminds me we're in summer: the white flowers hanging on every other door, the invitation cards flooding the entrance table, the harmonious beeping of car convoys... the names changing from double to triple on Facebook (I like this trend women have of keeping their maiden names, so modern-chic), pictures of the big day flooding everyone's walls, the honeymoons in the Maldives or San Francisco.

So when did we get to that age again? Because I think I missed the memo. Just yesterday we were sixteen and we would beg our parents to let us out until 2am and we would sneak out in the middle of the night, have sleepovers, play truth or dare, get drunk and spend the rest of the night throwing up in the guest bathroom of a friend's chalet in Faraya. Now I log on to Facebook with my morning coffee in one hand and my jaw drops as everyday I discover that a friend who I played barbies with when I was 10 years old now has a baby. And bless her heart, she's the cutest thing in the world and I'm so happy for her, but again --when did we reach that age? I log in again this morning and I see another one who is pregnant. I go out for drinks with my friends, and all everyone talks about is that dress she bought for thingy's wedding and the shoes she bought for the other wedding, and there's a wedding on Friday and two on Saturday and the engagement party and the bachelorette and if I hear these words one more time I think I'm going to scream.

There's never been a truer moment for me to say time flies. The last three years have gone by so fast I haven't had the time to pause and catch my breath. Next thing I know I'll be the one adding a name to my name and parading pictures of my belly. Maybe. And suddenly that whole Peter Pan story has a whole new meaning.

I flirt therefor I am

Flirting is an art in and of itself. I'd say it's a new, modern form of art, as before the twentieth century, there wasn't much room for flirting. But now it's all we do. We flirt with the policeman who dared stop us because we were on the phone while driving and he ends up by asking for our phone number. True story. We flirt with the guy at US customs so he doesn't give us trouble because of our Lebanese passport and he ends up asking if "you need someone to show you around the city?" True story. We flirt with a teacher because we failed an exam. We flirt with the bartender because we want to get two seats on the bar and it's Saturday night. We flirt with the bouncer to get us into Skybar, we flirt with the DJ to get him to play "our song," and here is the magic of it all: girls flirt all the time, pretty much to get anything. Guys on the other hand, mostly flirt for one purpose: getting laid.

Here's where it gets interesting: make a guy think he has a slight chance of getting some, and he will pretty much do whatever you want, within the realms of reason. And sometimes way above.

Now every girl has her own flirting strategies. I have a friend whose tactics involve breaking a guy down. She basically stands there and verbally attacks him until all he wants is to take her to bed. She calls him an idiot, she mocks every other word he says, she puts herself up on a pedestal and boom: the guy is bending backwards and forwards trying to make body contact. I was actually getting uncomfortable by her harshness, but he said it made her "interesting." Go figure.

Another girl I know will always make a guy feel like he's the most amazing man in the world. She will laugh at everything he says, open her eyes wide when he mentions he works in private banking, she will strategically place her hand on his chest several time during the conversation and bam: the guy wants her to show the same kind of attention to the part of him growing in his pants.

Flirting is fun. And when you're in a relationship, it's something you miss. Remember that episode of Friends when Chandler tries to flirt with the pizza delivery girl, and Monica says she's not jealous because she flirts with guys all the time? We flirt all the time because it gives us a sense of validation. I flirt, you respond, I feel like I still got it. There is this guy I know who was sick for several months, and as he got better and his looks came back to normal, the only thing he wanted to do was test his flirting and see if it still had the same effect. He left his girlfriend because she couldn't give him that validation.

It's too bad we forget to keep flirting with our boyfriends. Make him work for sleeping with you tonight instead of having sex on the dot like it's part of a routine. My aunt, who has been happily married for 23 years says she still flirts with her husband every day. And what happens? he flirts back. Moral of the story: keep treating your man as if he wasn't, and you'll live happily ever after.

Beirut RATsodies: dating beyond borders

Lebanese live abroad, work abroad, date abroad. I asked one of the guys to talk about his experience of dating a non-Lebanese. This is the RATsody of the month!

Dating beyond borders

Lebanese men seem to have become accustomed to the concept of dating foreign girls. We hear of the Lebanese who moved in with his French girlfriend in their 15 m² apartment; the friend who got married to an Italian girl he met 6 months ago, only to divorce 6 months later; the colleague who is dating an American blonde who seems to come straight out of a Hollywood teenager movie.

When you leave home to settle in another country, dating a foreign girl becomes an adventure that follows very specific stages. You start by hanging out with other Lebanese and feel awkward about approaching locals. Then, you’re puzzled about the idea. You think it would help your integration. You’re excited. You can’t resist her blond hair and blue eyes. You make a move and you intend to test the claim that French girls are great in bed. It generally doesn’t really work the first 2 or 3 times. Then you find the perfect match, get to know each other, discover a new culture, move in together and feel that you finally belong.

That’s until the moment of truth arrives, when you invite her to come spend a week in Lebanon… Because no matter how much you prepared her for the ride, or how many times you asked your parents and friends to be nice and always speak English, things unfortunately never turn out as easy as you thought: excitement is replaced with awkwardness, discussions about your parents turn into conflicts, English turns into Arabic. Then you realize what “lost in translation” feels like, and that the same jokes are actually not that funny in German.

Being part of a family that has a significant number of unsuccessful experiences in the topic, I knew I would be facing issues introducing my foreign (now ex-) girlfriend to my family.  Initially, my mother didn’t like the idea of us living together – not to mention the fact that we shared our apartment with her huge dog, that she was 2 years older than me and spoke a local dialect that often required a quick search on Google translate. Less than a week after introducing her to my entourage, annoying questions started popping up: why is she dressed like that? Doesn’t she wear any make-up? Are you really planning on marrying someone who doesn’t understand our culture? Before I knew it, they were already trying to introduce me to their friend’s daughters or sisters. I wondered if only they could learn a little from our politicians who seem to know how to please their foreign counterparts even more than the local people who elected them.

Don’t get me wrong, the experience obviously has lots of upside: teaching her swear words in Arabic, taking her to Baalbek and realizing it’s the first time you actually go there, or being proud to show her how many good friends you have at home. When I was away from Lebanon, I loved how simple our relationship was, the fact that we didn’t have to deal with her parents every day, that issues such as religion and age difference were not that big of a deal. I also appreciated not having 50 friends in common with her and not meeting her ex every time we went clubbing, which seemed to be very common experiences for my friends back home.

So how can you make it through without the hassle and the conflicts?  First, prepare yourself mentally to face the challenge and the criticism; Prepare your partner to the test that she is about to face and help her get through it: buy your mother a gift on her behalf, remind her to call your dad on his birthday, help her find common interests with your best friend. At the same time, show your entourage how much she means to you and remind them that she truly makes you happy.

Most importantly, make sure to explain to your partner that in Lebanon, dating beyond borders means she’ll be in a relationship with your parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, culture and origin!