What I do have

It's the end of the year. A difficult year for me, but a very fruitful one. One that made me extremely sad but also left me richer in so many ways.
We spend so much of our lives  focusing on what we don't have, but I want to think about what I do have for once --new year's resolutions coming up and all...

I don't want to talk about the fact that I'm ending the year with no job and no boyfriend, but rather, that I am free to go in any direction I want right now. I dont want to talk about the fact that don't have any money left in my bank account and no plan to make any for the first time in 8 years, but rather that for the first time in so long, I feel free of the constant worry that I need to make enough money to live.

I have friends. The best one could ever wish for. When I was 11 and 12 years old, I didn't have any friends and I used to hide out the fact that I was all alone by hiding in the school library at recess every day. Now I have friends I couldn't live without. Not just obe but many and I know it's one of the best things to have in life. Boyfriends come and go but friends are always there, with a blue couch for me to cry on. Better yet, they take you out dancing, they let you crash their apartment in new york for a month, they knock sense into you with tough love when you need a slap on the face and they sit entire  days with you without saying a word when you need them close by.

I have siblings. A brother and a sister whom I love more than anyone in this world, and I know this must be the thing my mother is most proud of. When I was a kid she used to work very hard to get me to appreciate how beautiful brotherhood can be. Yeah it wasn't always easy to be the elder sister with no mom around when they were growing, but today they look at me with so much love that  makes it so worth it.

I have a country that breaks my heart, but at least I have one. Yeah I hate the fact that I don't have another passport but the truth is, this countrsfcwy wouldn't break my heart if I didn't love it. And has so many of the people I love in it. And has the streets and houses and places where all my memories are.

I have my freedom. No one ever made me practice a religion I didntt believe in, no one ever tried to make me do something I didn't want to do. My father isn't strict about the way I live my life and I do whatever I choose to do, which is incredibly lucky.

And I have my story. Whatever happened this year,  whatever I lost, I gained something else for it in return. And the good thing is, I'm taking all of these things into 2014 with me.