I should've guessed that writing a blog about being single in my twenties wouldn't make me much of a relationship expert --but rather an expert at being single, at going on bad/weird/okay dates, and collecting stories for the ages. It's a good thing I'm writer, at least the stories have somewhere to go.
Which is basically why I find myself back here. To the blog that started a little over five years ago, just as a relationship was ending; like an ominous sign that I was about to lose a part of my life and I needed to reconnect with my words to survive it.
There's been a lot of ups and downs and trips sideways since then. Not just in love, but in life. And somewhere along the way, I turned thirty. And writing a blog about dating and relationships and life in your thirties is a little different. I no longer have a rat-pack of guys feeding me their latest conquests stories. Almost all the rats are married. Or engaged. The girls that used inspire me with broken hearts and awful dates are now talking wedding arrangements, house decor and baby feedings. But I'm not ready to write about any of those things.
Because I'm still stuck in another phase. The one where you're supposed to be a grownup, supposed to have your life together, a real apartment (but you have a really cute studio!), a boyfriend who is marriage material, money on the side... and you don't.
So I'm here, writing. What else am I gonna do? My words, they keep me company. They keep me from driving myself insane. When I write them down, it stops them from growing fangs in my brain. When I put them out there, I know that someone might relate.
You joke about being the Bridget Jones amongst your friends. You laugh about being the seventh wheel every Friday night at dinner because everyone else comes in pairs and you just come with a new hairdo. You smile when the one-hundredth person asks you if you've "met someone yet" when you go home for the holidays.
Until one day, the joke doesn't make you laugh, it makes you cry. You feel a little lonely in your world and you're tired of hiding behind your feelings, because they'll think you're being a drama queen. Or a martyr. God forbid you should actually admit that you're lonely sometimes. That being single isn't easy.
But it's not all drama. The truth is, I'm just having a bad day. A lot of the times, I'm happy I'm still free. That anything can happen, that my life could turn upside down and that the possibilities are endless. That age, despite how much society defines it, is just a number and if people think I still look 23, well then I must be.
Showing posts with label boyfriend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boyfriend. Show all posts
Saturday, January 30
Wednesday, September 19
great expectations
At the very beginning of a relationship, everything seems fun. Nothing the other person does bothers us, we enjoy the time we spend together and we try to make each other happy.
Then, somewhere along the way, something snaps. What used to be a fun, casual, happy relationship turns into this constant stress because we don't know how to make each other happy anymore, we want the other one to make the efforts, we fight about silly things but we can't help it because they bother us so much that we can't control our urge to fight. We spend time together but instead of enjoying it we spend it talking (or arguing) about everything we think is wrong, or bad in our relationship, and we end up unhappy, frustrated, unsatisfied.
Basically what happens, in my humble opinion, is that we go from no expectations to high expectations. When one first starts dating, he doesn't expect anything. So everything that comes is a good addition, a good surprise. Then, we fall into the "efforts" phase and that's always a rocky one.
Sometimes I think it's good to stop, halt, and take the time to remember that even though we're a couple, we're in love, we're "different" than all the others, we are still two people. And by that I mean that even if we'd like to believe that we are"one" we are not, in fact, one. We are two. Hence the term "we." And it's hard enough to find someone who we like to share our time with, with whom we get along most of the time and who makes us laugh --so, we should be lenient if that person doesn't want to do exactly what we want to do at the exact time we want to do it, or if that person turns out not to be able to read our minds (crazy, huh?) or if that person isn't in the mood we'd like them to be in.
Bottom line is: expect less, be happier.
Just my two cents.
Then, somewhere along the way, something snaps. What used to be a fun, casual, happy relationship turns into this constant stress because we don't know how to make each other happy anymore, we want the other one to make the efforts, we fight about silly things but we can't help it because they bother us so much that we can't control our urge to fight. We spend time together but instead of enjoying it we spend it talking (or arguing) about everything we think is wrong, or bad in our relationship, and we end up unhappy, frustrated, unsatisfied.
Basically what happens, in my humble opinion, is that we go from no expectations to high expectations. When one first starts dating, he doesn't expect anything. So everything that comes is a good addition, a good surprise. Then, we fall into the "efforts" phase and that's always a rocky one.
Sometimes I think it's good to stop, halt, and take the time to remember that even though we're a couple, we're in love, we're "different" than all the others, we are still two people. And by that I mean that even if we'd like to believe that we are"one" we are not, in fact, one. We are two. Hence the term "we." And it's hard enough to find someone who we like to share our time with, with whom we get along most of the time and who makes us laugh --so, we should be lenient if that person doesn't want to do exactly what we want to do at the exact time we want to do it, or if that person turns out not to be able to read our minds (crazy, huh?) or if that person isn't in the mood we'd like them to be in.
Bottom line is: expect less, be happier.
Just my two cents.
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