shifting the blame

So apparently men want women to know that as long as they are chill, easy-going and simple, the world is perfect and the ball is in their court. Which is great advice, truly. But in case the relationship fails, the woman gets dumped, or the man is driven to do the unthinkable, like cheat for example, well then, it must be the woman's fault... Because she wasn't chill enough. Or simple enough. Or cool enough. 


Men are Masters at Shifting the Blame. They all have PHDs in how to turn around every situation and always make it seem like it was the woman's fault, no matter how it starts. And I have proof. Rats and non-rats alike have admitted to me that they have the skills required to turn any fight into a losing battle for the lady. Even if she started it (which I'll admit, we usually do), and even if, and I quote, "even if she is completely right," they will always find a way to make her apologize without even knowing what for. Ever notice when you're so angry at your man and you start explaining yourself, when suddenly he cuts you off and gives you one argument after another, and you end up so confused you can't remember why you're fighting? Shifting the Blame Professionals, I'm telling you.

Just like the mouse wieseled it into his post. If women could just realize that men hate "the complaining, the stubbornness, lack of attention flip-out" and just not do it, then the world of relationships would be perfect. Hmmm. And women should just let men be themselves. And if the man acts like an asshole, cheats, leaves her with three kids and runs off to another side of the planet, she must be to blame... of course... because the ball is her court. "A man can only raise his standard to the point a woman allows him to.” (The wise words from Red in That 70s Show) Men are so good at doing that, it's frightening. At first glance, it seems flattering: means that if they do anything right, it's thanks to you... and if they do anything wrong, it's because of... you? 

Now I agree with a few things the mouse said: a woman who knows how to entice a man will turn any Rat, any player, any man out there into a lover boy, and he will be happy to be. But remember that it is all relative. If you're writing in the context of being super-happy-in-love, you are just not in the same mind-frame as a broken-hearted-singleton or a newly-single-and-enjoying-it, or even a married-divorced-and-blase perspective. 

A lot of the time, the woman is to blame. Yes, we can be annoying, stubborn, complaining girlfriends, and those are flaws men have also, by the way. And if women should let men be themselves, men should let women be themselves as well. And that includes jealous outbreaks, bursting-out in tears for no reason, the notorious PMS, and putting on those couple of winter kilos. 

I'm not trying to say that women are the eternal victims of some evil male scheme. But for once, it would be nice to see a man accept responsibility for his actions, and not shift the blame. Admit that she complained because he really exaggerated. Admit that he left her, not because she wasn't easy-going and simple and cool, but because he got bored. Admit that just because she's wrong, doesn't mean he's right.

Beirut RATShodies: The ball is always in your court

The Rats complained that I'm too biased when I write my posts... "Women are always the victims, men are always the bad guy, blablabla..." Well, although I disagree about the posts, I admit the bias --obviously, I am a woman at the end of the day. But I'm fair game. So today, I'm introducing Beirut RATShodies... it's the counterblog, or rather, the added value of the male perspective... Every month from now on, one of the Rats or someone close enough will honor us with their unique opinions, in their own words. I thank "the mouse" for braving the first post.


The ball is always in your court, so don’t complain…

“The Mouse” – a name bestowed upon me by the rats. I don’t mind the name, as I don’t fit the criteria to be a rat, which is fair enough as I wouldn’t last a year alive based on the criteria to be a “rat”. The drinking til’ you blast a fire hose at a club, falling asleep on the road, going into a bar on New Year’s eve for literally 2 minutes just to take your clothes off and then leave… definitely not this mouse’s material.

Now, I’ve been reading this blog since its inception and too many times I’ve disagreed with what’s been written, especially about how women are the victims of some conspiracy that all men out there are horrible beings looking to hurt you. Someone has got to reply.

I’m going to dive right into the middle of this whole “we are the women and we suffer” thing you’ve got going (it seems to work somehow for you ladies…), because I’ve got a woman of my own and I’ve got to admit, very rarely has she showed me the side of women that we men hate (the complaining, the stubbornness, lack of attention flip-out…etc).

Quite the opposite actually, she’s shown me that some women out there can accept a man the way he is with all his random joys and stupid flaws. I’ve seen to what distance a man could go for a woman who’s just easy-going, cool and simple. I’ve seen that happen to me, then I’ve seen the same happen to, not one, but two of the rats…

Yes, the very same rats that have been called all sorts of names in this blog; the very same rats, that you (the ladies out there reading this) keep thinking to yourselves are dare devils and evil specimens that go get drunk to mess around with ladies. No ladies, these rats and all men, are what YOU want them to be.

You must be wondering what I mean by that. I’ll put it in the famous words of a character called Red from the sitcom ‘That 70s Show’: “A man can only raise his standard to the point a woman allows him to”. Meaning, dear rhapsodians, that the ball is always in your court. Anything other than that and it’s considered assault (yet somehow you manage to complain about men).

Still don’t get it? You want a bad boy, you will get a bad boy! Even if he’s the most relaxed dude in the world, because a man can smell what attracts a woman from a million miles away and will know how to play his game to give her what she’s looking for.

The rich guy, the confident guy, the sporty guy, the musician, the drug addict, the business man, the “eben 3ayle”…etc. These are roles (key word: roles) that are so easy for any guy to portray to a woman; because men can easily guess what type of guy a woman is looking for (you aren’t that mysterious you know). Men know what you like, so they adapt to turn into what you like. You make us the way we are. You are the choice makers.


I’m sure you’re thinking to yourselves right now “that’s not true, we just want a guy to be natural and himself…”. This brings me back to my initial point, only if you want him to be himself, will you really see his true colors. Hence why for example you have the 2 cases of the rats and my case as the mouse where the women that lured us showed us from the start that they wanted us to be ourselves and they understood that roles could be played and that they could be fooled. But the girls played the game as well. They gave the tiny signals, they asked the little questions and they let us do the rest (I salute those ladies by the way).

So you see ladies, the point I’m trying to make is the ball is always in your court to begin with therefore don’t victimize yourself over something you chose – don’t hate the player, play the game.

The Mouse has spoken…       

the paradox of freedom

"Better a mistress than a wife." Coco Chanel


Anyone who's ever watched an episode of Mad Men would probably agree. Being the wife was so boring --sitting at home tumbling her thumbs, smoking cigarette after cigarette until her husband came home from work. And every husband had a mistress, or five. For the mistress, the husband would cut work in the middle of the day; he would actually communicate, share his thoughts, connect. For the mistress, the husband would unleash the passion. But for the wife... well, she got the sleepy, tired husband, who made her feel like coming home was like walking into a cage. Well, that's what I got from Mad Men anyway.

Then I watched "Coco," the movie, a couple of nights ago, and the man Coco Chanel is in love with is set to marry someone else. He says marriage is like a business deal, has nothing to do with love. And she says "better a mistress than a wife." Made me think. The wife represents the commitment, the settled life, the family. Boring. And the mistress is forbidden excitement, a daily escape, the adventure. All those words that seem to define men's needs.

So at the beginning of the 20th century, marriage was a social contract and love was to be found in the form of an extra-curricular activity. By the 60s, marriage was halfway between love and financial statements, and passionate sex was to be found in a variety of mistresses. And now there's a new century in the works and it's a little harder to define the terms. Maybe it's because now, we want it all: we want it to be love at first sight, passionate and enticing, but we also want it to be a calculated connection, with a check-list of culture, education, social class, religion and nationality. We want the love to be so strong we could live on bread and water, but we also want to ensure that chalet in Faqra or those trips to Paris twice a year for fashion week. We want the picture-perfect family, with the dog and the back-yard, but we also want the constant adventure and excitement and freedom of taking off with no strings attached. In today's world, we've become demanding, unforgiving, and uncompromising. If we don't get what we want, we bail, because we only live once and we want it all.

I guess that's the paradox of freedom. People paid with their lives for the choices we get to make today, and although freedom is a beautiful thing, it is also exhausting. How do you make the right choice? Do you go with rational, or do you go with instinct? Do you play it safe or take a chance?

Can you be the wife and the mistress?