the breakups

All of us, at one point or another, have suffered from a broken heart. And most likely, we have broken a heart or two along the way. Truth is, no matter how many different stories I hear, it seems that there is no right way to get your heart broken --and no right way to break someone's heart. While it's true that there are very bad ways to do it (i.e. breaking-up on a post-it like that Berger dude in Sex and the City) in the end, the result is practically the same: broken pieces of your heart, tears, boxes of kleenex, playlists that include Celine Dion songs, and pints of ice-cream.

The Romeo and Juliet breakup
Usually a heart-wrenching story about true love, the perfect-couple madly in love... who had to breakup because of some evil outside force/influence who couldn't let them be together. It might not be as tragic as Shakespeare's most famous play, but parents, friends, siblings, do love to get in the way. And the problem with this breakup is that it always feels like it should have worked out. My friend Anonymous went through the Romeo-and-Juliet some six years ago, and she still closes her eyes and imagines what it would've been like without the interference.

The I-don't-know-what-I-want breakup
Notorious with the mid-twenties crowd. Starts off with a "I'm not sure I'm happy" and ends with one of you out the door for good. Often unexpected for the second party, this breakup is one that comes after a couple of years together, once the routine had settled in and comes the fear of never-again feeling the rush of excitement that comes with new beginnings. You wake-up one morning in cold sweats, terrified that "this is it" and confused because you are also scared of losing the person you're with. You sum-up the courage to say you-dont-know-what-you-want, and off you go, single, onto the next part of your twenties, always wondering if you did the right thing.

The betrayal breakup
Almost as dramatic as Shakespeare, but more on the Hollywood side. She finds out from the friend of a friend who saw him with that girl at that bar God knows where. He finds a text message on her phone from that guy he's been suspicious of. They fight they scream they insult each other doors are slamming tears are streaming and it's going to be hard for these two to ever be civil again.

The break(up)
I can't talk about this one without hearing the "we were on a breaaaak" from Ross and Rachel. This one, let's be honest, is for cowards. Usually a precursor for the real thing, the break is a way of soothing into it. It's easier than going all the way, and it warns both parties that things are on shaky grounds. They most likely get back together, but things sorta go downhill from there.

The off-again-on-again breakup
We all know that couple. The ones who can't seem to make-up their minds. They break-up every few months, always back in a "honeymoon phase" at the beginning, then they can't really stand each other again, break-up... don't last more than a couple of weeks. Spend hours debating on whether or not to see each other to "talk about it". The conversation never really changes, but they end up sleeping together, agree that they can't-live-without-each-other, get back together. And it's the same dance all over again. They're the reason why we have the "it's complicated" status on Facebook.

And so we all go through the phases. Denial, depression, anger, acceptance --or something of the sort. It takes tears and friends and long nights of wailing while watching Pretty Woman or When Harry Met Sally (I don't know what guys watch). You've put on a few kilos, maybe went a little too long without taking a waxing appointment, and you don't exactly look your best. But then you wake-up one day, and you're not feeling sad.
And it's onto the next.

breaking away

Sometimes it feels like we're stuck in a bad relationship, a bad routine, a bad job, and we don't know how to break away. We have dreams and ambitions that we keep putting off because something or someone always gets in the way. It's easy to loose track of the things that really excite us, that would really make us happy, and just settle for easy, predictable, safe.
As we grow older, we get more scared. I guess it's the price of "life experience" and "responsibilities" and "acting like an adult." I am always trying to get back to that time when my dreams were so big I would drown myself in them, and just the fact that I had a dream place to evade to was amazing.
I got this book called "Creating Your Best Life" and it's all about how to put your goals and dreams, long-term or short-term, crazy or realistic, on paper. A bucket-list. 100 things you want to do in your life time. It's actually really hard to come up with. And there's a bit of everything in there, from writing a novel, to winning a Nobel prize, to swimming with dolphins or going to meditate at an Ashram in India. And it seems like a long shot, but last year, I crossed out four items off my bucket-list, and it was unexplainably satisfying.
We get stuck doing things we don't enjoy because we're too scared to go outside the familiar. Couples stay in bad relationships because they're afraid of being alone, of loosing the other's support, of never finding anyone else. I know I've done that. I got stuck in a relationship where I wasn't happy, where I felt more lonely than if I were to be alone, where the everyday struggle of thinking my relationship through had become exhausting. So why did I do it? I was settling. I was scared of the alternative. But once you break away and feel the freedom of having your whole life in front of you, then yes, it is scary, but it is also exciting. There is a world of possibilities that I had stopped seeing.
People get stuck in a job they hate, because they're afraid of being unemployed, of having to live without a dime, of falling off their career track. And it is scary, and it is hard to dump it all and start from scratch. But there are things we can do to prevent the really scary part. You can look for something else while you're still working. You can decide to stop postponing for next year, and make a decision before next months. It takes guts, but I think it pays off.
I've been putting off writing a book. I give myself all kinds of excuses --too much work, the routine sucks the creativity out of me, I don't have a quiet place to write, etc., etc., etc... So I started the blog to motivate me, and it worked, I now at least write twice per week, which is a lot more than I used to. But the point was to start me off and get me excited about working on a novel. And there are always new excuses, reasons why it can't be done, and truth is, it's all a question of discipline, of how much you want it.
So now i decided to stop postponing. I left the routine behind, got away from the city (and trust me, I'm a city girl, and I don't do well outside the city for very long), got myself a quiet place to get inspired, and write. So far, I got one page down. But I'm trying.
Sometimes we need to just turn our minds of, stop thinking about doing, and just do it. Just break away.